When a narcissist says, ‘You’ll never find someone like me,’ they’re right — and that’s the point. Why do they say this, and why does it hit so hard? Today, I will clarify why the narcissist uses this tactic to keep you hooked, and how you can take your power back from the narcissist in their game of control and manipulation. 

Although the narcissist wants to believe they are superior and everyone wants to be with them and just like them, we all know this is a façade they put on to protect their fragile ego. What do narcissists really mean when they say, ‘You’ll never find someone like me’? This phrase is not a compliment — it’s a warning. This is one of the various manipulative tactics which are disguised as a compliment.  The narcissist says this line before you leave so they can trigger fear, doubt, and emotional dependence.  Each of these things are designed to strengthen the trauma bond which has already kept you in the relationship. 

When they said you’d never do better… they were projecting, but why would the narcissist project that belief? I will briefly touch on 5 Reasons the narcissist wants you to believe they are the best you will ever get as you start to walk out the door. 

Reason #1 is to Control Through Scarcity.  Narcissists want you to believe they are irreplaceable.  By making you think there is no one else out there for you, this creates scarcity which leads you to feeling insecure about leaving.  You start to think “If I leave, what if they’re right?” and this is exactly what they want.  Being with a narcissist is a constant mind game.  They want to always create doubt in you because it strengthens your connection to them. 

Reason #2 is They Know You Valued Good Moments. Although they can’t experience empathy, they know you thrive off memories of the good times and they want to place those memories into your mind when they know you are doubting things can work.  They will exploit the moments where they were charming, attentive, and magnetic. They weaponize your emotional memories to keep you hooked. 

Reason #3 why narcissists want you to believe you can’t live without them is it is a Projection of Their Own Fear.  They have an unstable sense of self and fragile ego which is always at risk of narcissistic collapse due to a narcissistic injury.  Deep down they fear  being exposed or abandoned.  When they say you will never find someone like them, this is their fear being projected onto you. What they are actually thinking is “I can’t find someone else who will tolerate my behavior.”

Reason #4 why narcissists manipulate you into believing no one will be better than them is it is a Punishment For Your Independence.  The narcissist has a carefully crafted script of not only their life, but of yours as well. To deviate from the role they have written for you means you are in control and the narcissist can’t take this loss of control.  If you have told the narcissist you are leaving before they can make the decision to discard you, then they will punish you for this wrong you have committed against them.  They will tell you there is no one better out there when you pull away, set a boundary, or start to gain clarity in the relationship.  It’s meant to shame you back into the relationship.  The narcissist is shocked you can make your own decisions and thinks “How dare you think you deserve better.”

Reason #5 the narcissist won’t let you leave without a parting line is because they need to Maintain Power After the Breakup.  Relationships with narcissists are constant power struggles. You choosing to leave means you have control, and they need to grab that control back anyway they can.  They want to make the break-up harder, leave you second guessing, and also keep a door open for future hoovering.  You telling the narcissist you are leaving becomes just one more place where they can manipulate the situation and try to control the narrative.  A door is never fully closed unless the narcissist believes they have chosen on their own to close it. 

The fact is, you will never find someone like them, and that’s the only parting gift they can give you as you choose to leave them.  If you have made the decision to leave the narcissist, trust your instincts and don’t be blinded by their intimidation tactics.  Real love doesn’t threaten you into staying.