Do you find no matter how big or small a situation which has gone wrong is, the narcissist makes you the problem? They never take responsibility for anything and shift the blame to you.  You find yourself defending yourself against the accusations made by the narcissist and then apologizing because the narcissist convinces you it was your fault. Today, I'm breaking down exactly how narcissists flip the script — and make you the villain. By the end of this video, you’ll know how narcissists twist reality and blame you — and how to protect yourself from their manipulation. 

Why can narcissists not accept blame? Narcissists can’t accept blame because of their fragile ego.  They can’t be seen as the problem because of their always-present mask of superiority.  This false image demands perfection.  The narcissists have carefully crafted a reality which protects this fragile ego against any potential attacks on them which could expose them to feelings of shame and then possible narcissistic collapse.   If they are faced with a situation which could place them at fault, this could shatter their carefully crafted reality. The narcissist's fragile ego is a primary reason why narcissists refuse to take responsibility.  Protecting the narcissist's false self is more important than them having good relations with others. 

A primary way the narcissist protects their fragile ego is through blame-shifting.  To accept blame for something would admit fault and this isn’t something the narcissist would ever be able to do.  So, they blame-shift and make it about everyone but themselves. 

Common blame-shifting tactics narcissists use include projection, gaslighting, and the silent treatment. Each of the tactics are designed to put the focus back on you and away from the narcissist. If the narcissist thinks they could be seen as at fault for how things are, they will quickly attempt to turn the focus onto you.  

Blame shifting as projection is when the narcissist accuses you of what they’re guilty of.  They project their internal thoughts and emotions onto you and make it about you. This can be the narcissist saying “You can never do anything right!” or “You are always lying!”. The words the narcissist uses towards you are often a reflection of how they feel about themselves.  Projection admits fault, indirectly.

Gaslighting is when the narcissist tries to alter your reality, so it fits their carefully crafted script.  They must have everything in their life behave in a certain way so they can feel in control of a world they often feel out of control in.  If things happen which go against their script, they try to alter your reality so it can match up with their script. Gaslighting phrases may include “That never happened!” or “I never said that.”   The gaslighting phrases are meant to make you question your own experiences. 

And the narcissist will use the silent treatment as a form of punishment to avoid accountability.  The silent treatment is when they not only cut off communication with you, but they also prevent your ability to communicate with them.  If you have accused them of some sort of wrongdoing, or they at least believe that accusations are being made, they will use the silent treatment. If they don’t talk to you at all then there is no ability to admit fault.  And by not talking to you, they prevent you from being able to defend yourself against their blame-shifting accusations. 

Because of their blame-shifting, you are made out as the problem and the cause of everything wrong in their life.  For this reason, you start to believe you are the villain they paint you out to be.   They accuse you of being the reason things don’t turn out, why the relationship is failing, and even why other aspects of your life aren’t going as you would like.  This wears on your self-worth and self-esteem.  The gaslighting causes you to believe you are the flawed and angry person they paint you out to be.  You start to doubt your own experiences and find your confidence wears away.  You experience anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms. 

To protect yourself from the narcissist blame-shifting, you need to be aware of what is happening and remember it isn’t about you.  Knowing the signs of narcissist blame-shifting will place the control back into your hands. The narcissist is a watcher, and they know what your insecurities are, and these are what they use against you when they need to feel better about themselves.

In their blame-shifting, they accuse you of everything and it is only natural to want to defend yourself, but you must stop defending yourself. The more you defend yourself, the more material they have to manipulate you with, and the more they feel in control by boosting their narcissistic supply. Although it is easy to forget, it is important to remember the accusations and blame-shifting is about them and not about you. Use the gray rock method and don’t give the narcissist more information they can then use against you.  Will a narcissist ever accept blame? No.  They are incapable and this will never change.  Why narcissists blame others for their mistakes is because of their fragile ego, which is part of their personality and resistant to change. 

Knowing how to protect yourself from narcissist manipulation will help you protect your self-worth and stop further degradation of your self-esteem.