Ever feel like no matter what happens, the narcissist will always make it your fault? Narcissists have a way of making sure they are never wrong, and you pay the price for their insecurities. Let’s talk about how to protect yourself when you are tired of the narcissist never being wrong and you being blamed for everything.

The narcissist lives in a world which they feel on the defensive in due to their fragile egos and lack of object constancy. What may appear to be a small change in the world around them, is taken as a personal attack on them.  Everyone else is always the problem and they are never at fault.  

The narcissist has a carefully crafted script which they must follow and expect others to blindly follow as well. This script is written in a way where they can support their beliefs that they are superior to everyone else and flawless.  The narcissist must maintain their belief that others are envious of them and want to be just like them. 

As you can expect, when the narcissist is faced with a reality which isn’t their own, they are at risk of unraveling and their undying commitment to themselves is placed in harm’s way.  The narcissist can never be wrong because to be wrong would imply they are flawed or somehow made a mistake, and neither of those options fit within the tightly controlled world they have crafted.  Taking responsibility threatens their false image.  Admitting wrong leads to them feeling exposed and weak and this places them at risk of narcissistic injury and then narcissistic collapse. Narcissist denial and deflection are classic tactics used to avoid accountability—turning every conversation into a blame game where you end up questioning yourself instead of their behavior.

To protect themselves from the narcissistic collapse, manipulation tactics used by narcissists include gaslighting, blame shifting, and denial.  They will do whatever they need to ensure you are seen as the problem and at fault, because they can’t have anyone believing negative things about them.  When a narcissist refuses to take accountability, it’s often a form of narcissist emotional manipulation—designed to shift blame, create confusion, and keep you questioning your own reality.

You can check out some other blogs which describe narcissist manipulation tactics in more detail.  Today, I want to review how to protect yourself when the narcissist uses some of their favorite manipulation tactics. 

The most important thing to keep in mind when the narcissist is using blame shifting and making you out to be the problem is don’t explain yourself.  This includes not defending yourself. Not only do you not owe them an explanation, they also don’t care what you have to say.  When the narcissist doesn’t take responsibility and uses blame shifting, they are trying to make everyone else the problem but themselves.  When you try to explain yourself, you are just providing the narcissist more information to use in their attack on you.  It is natural to want to be heard but remind yourself the narcissist has no intention of changing their mind and acknowledging their wrong-doing. 

When the narcissist is avoiding being wrong and being called out, they will use word salad and circular arguments. They will say a lot but none of it makes sense. This is meant to confuse you and keep the actual issue out of the conversation.  As long as they talk in circles, nothing will ever get resolved.  Set boundaries with yourself, and the narcissist, and don’t get drawn into their nonsense. 

When the narcissist has made it clear they aren’t the problem and you are, this is a good time to use the grey rock method if you can’t leave the interaction.  Stay calm and emotionally detached while providing brief statements of one to two words in your response.  

Although you know you are right and they are wrong, prioritize your own mental health over showing them where they were wrong.  This will only lead to frustration and further attacks on you.  There is nothing you can do or say which will lead to the narcissist acknowledging their wrong doing. You are always wrong with the narcissist. It is ok to step away and accept that you were right without needing to prove this to them. 

You aren’t crazy for feeling blamed or confused.  Narcissists will never change, and especially not once they have entered a protection mode and are focused only on saving themselves.  Don’t get pulled into their chaos and instead, focus on yourself and doing something which makes you feel better, and not continuing a discussion with the narcissist that you will lose because that is how it was designed.  You can never win with the narcissist, so stop trying.

If you’re tired of endless blame games and never hearing 'I’m sorry,' it’s time to protect yourself from narcissists by setting boundaries that put your mental and emotional well-being first. Dealing with a narcissist never wrong in their own eyes can be exhausting, but recognizing this mindset is the first step toward protecting your peace and setting healthy boundaries.