The narcissist has manipulated and controlled you for most of the relationship and you have had enough. You are finally seeing through their façade and recognizing who they are at the core.  You no longer believe that they are loving, caring, and knowledgeable.  You see this is all an act they put on to hide their true feelings of insecurity.  They have spent the entire relationship trying to convince you that they are better than everyone else, and their way is the only way.  You believed them for a while, but the time has come, and they have played their final act.  You want everyone else to see the narcissist the way you do now and wonder, “should I expose the narcissist?”.  Today, I will discuss whether it is a good idea to expose the narcissist, and if it will provide you with what you are looking for through the exposure. 

If you had to live through the abuse from the narcissist, you may sometimes feel resentment and possibly want revenge.  They used you and abused you and now you want them to experience what you felt. And no, feeling this way doesn’t make you a narcissist.  It simply means you are finally recognizing your worth and setting boundaries with the narcissist for how they treated you.

One way in which you would like to get revenge is by exposing the narcissist.  You want people to know how they truly are and that what they see is all an act.  You hope by exposing them, people will finally understand what they put you through.

But is it worth your time to expose the narcissist? Is there any value in doing that?

Put simply, no.  There is no point in spending any more time thinking about the narcissist. The concept of exposure may sound great, on the surface, but the backlash you will receive from the narcissist, and any of their flying monkeys, will just be a reminder of the far-reaching effects of the narcissist’s control and manipulation. 

If you expose the narcissist, they will just go on the defensive.  Their blame shifting and lack of responsibility taking will be front-and-center. They will initiate an attack on you, ensuring others see you as the crazy one who is always trying to create problems.  The narcissist will do whatever they can to prove to others, as well as themselves, that you are the problem. 

And as always with the narcissist, you now must move into defensive mode and defend your own actions as the narcissist leaves a trail of destruction behind.  In your efforts to expose the narcissist in hopes of people seeing who they truly are as a person, your own integrity comes into question and the focus has turned to you and not them.

By exposing the narcissist, you also hope they will finally understand how they treated you and how hurtful it was.  However, because of their lack of empathy, this will never happen. They can’t take the perspective of someone else, and this means they can’t consider how you might feel.  If you expose them, they won’t suddenly become introspective and consider their role in the current situation. Rather, they shift into blame shifting and come up with reasons why you are the problem, and they wouldn’t act a certain way if it wasn’t for you.  So, by exposing the narcissist, you are again the recipient of their abuse.

As you can see, there is no real benefit to exposing the narcissist.  They will go on the defensive, blame shift, and not take responsibility, all while trying to convince others you are the problem.  The narcissist will hold firm to their false reality and will do anything they can to show that you are wrong.  The narcissist’s end goal will always be to protect their fragile ego and no matter how much you want others to see the narcissist for who they are, the narcissist will be louder and more convincing while continuing to beat you down emotionally and mentally.  Focus on bettering yourself and turn your thoughts away from the narcissist.