If you’re waiting for the narcissist to stop targeting you, this is the moment most people miss. They don’t stop because you finally explained yourself. They stop when they lose emotional access to you. In this blog, I’ll discuss why narcissistic targeting only continues while emotional access exists, and how the moment that access disappears changes everything. I’ll show you what that shift actually looks like internally, why it’s often missed, and why it’s the point where their control starts to collapse.

That constant uncertainty isn’t accidental; it’s what keeps emotional access alive. The narcissist is predictable in their unpredictability, and you never know what version of the narcissist you will get. This leaves you on edge, never sure of their next move.

You wonder if this will always be your life with the narcissist and if things will ever stabilize or end.  You are fearful of various outcomes and think “Will they keep coming back?”, “Will the smear ever stop?”, or “Am I free, or just on pause?”. These fears don’t mean you’re weak; they mean you’ve been conditioned to stay alert. Targeting only continues while emotional access exists.

And this is where people get stuck because once access weakens, the narcissist doesn’t stop immediately. The behavior changes first. And once that access disappears, the behavior shifts. The narcissist will target you as long as you are providing them with refills of their ever-waning narcissistic supply.

Although it may seem that you can never escape the grip of the narcissist, there will be a time that they stop targeting you.    What does the moment they stop targeting you look like?

This moment isn’t dramatic, and it’s not something they announce. Most people miss it because they’re watching the narcissist instead of what’s happening inside themselves.

It shifts attention away from the abuser and onto internal change which is where the real power shift happens.

The narcissist stops targeting you when emotional access is gone; not when contact ends, not when the smear stops, and not when you feel healed.  What this looks like is you stop reacting, not just responding. You stop explaining your boundaries. You stop defending your reality. You stop monitoring their behavior for meaning. 

This isn’t indifference or numbness. It’s regulation. And when this regulation happens, the narcissist feels it before you do because their usual tactics stop working. You don’t become this cold person who no longer cares about the narcissist. You still care but you choose to not engage.  You still have the same emotions, but you no longer spiral. And you don’t need them to understand anymore.  You have come to peace with the fact that they will never understand so you don’t waste your effort trying to convince them.  They lose access not because you hardened, but because you stabilize. 

Narcissistic targeting only continues when there’s something to pull, provoke, or destabilize. When there’s no emotional payoff, the behavior can’t sustain itself. Without access, control attempts collapse under their own weight. They don’t stop because you won. They stop because there’s nothing left to take.

When the access is gone, you feel a sense of lightness and it can be freeing.  The hoovering fades or becomes half-hearted.  The smear loses intensity. New targets appear. And you feel less emotionally hooked, even when they try.  Silence doesn’t mean you imagined the abuse. It means the cycle can’t continue.

When you become calm and don’t allow the narcissist to bait you back into their chaos, this leads to many positive changes internally.  Your nervous system starts to regulate after all the chaos it endured. The calm blocks escalation and by going no contact, you remove leverage.  This is why no contact works when it’s possible and why grey rock collapses manipulation when it isn’t. The grey rock collapses manipulation loops. This isn’t about discipline, it’s about safety and recovery. And this leads to the most misunderstood part of the process.

The goal isn’t closure from the narcissist.  It isn’t vindication, and it isn’t winning the fight.  The real win isn’t getting them to stop.  It’s getting your life back, regulated, calm, and no longer reactive.  

When emotional access ends, the narcissist loses power, and you don’t just survive the cycle… you leave it permanently.