Do narcissists ever know they are narcissists? Do they know how they treat people, and how people actually think of them? Or is their fantasy world so strong that they can’t even see the truth which is all around them? Today, I will discuss whether narcissists even know they are narcissists. 

Let’s start with what it means to know something about yourself.  In order to know yourself, there has to be insight.  Insight is a deep understanding of something.  In psychology, insight is a person’s ability to understand their own symptoms and how those symptoms impact themselves, and those around them.  If someone has poor insight, they have little awareness of their own experiences. For example, someone may know they feel down but they aren’t able to state why they feel down, what worsens or improves their mood, or how their mood affects their functioning.  They can see a symptom exists but can provide little to no additional information about the symptom. 

As you can expect, in order to understand yourself and to be able to work towards changes, you need to have insight.  This insight will help you develop goals for change and allow you to understand how your behaviors affect others. 

Narcissists lack insight.  This lack of insight is maintained and exacerbated by multiple factors but includes their fragile ego and unstable sense of self.    Because they are always on the verge of narcissist collapse, they can’t look inward for fear of experiencing shame.  And the ability to look inward and be able to analyze one’s self is a factor in demonstrating good insight. 

With their lack of insight, the narcissist doesn’t ever really know they are a narcissist.  Sure, they know if people don’t like them, but they find ways to make it about everyone else and not about them. They blame shift, project, and never take responsibility for their own actions. They gaslight and manipulate people to control their own narrative in a way in which people then believe them.  And if you call a narcissist out for being a narcissist, they will use one of their narcissistic punishment tactics of rage or silent treatment to silence you and so they do not have to look inward.

The narcissist deflects all attention from themselves that could be seen as negative.  They lack empathy and can’t truly take the perspective of someone else, and this is why their abuse continues.  In the fabricated reality they live in, there is never a true need for insight because if something doesn’t go how they want it to, they will simply change the script in their favor. The need to look inward and assess their actions is overridden by a stronger need to push any negative views about themselves onto someone else.  So, no, narcissists never know they are narcissists because their fragile ego would never allow them to see themselves as somehow flawed.