Someone who has narcissistic personality traits has a sense of entitlement, lacks empathy, has a grandiose sense of self-importance, believes they are special, is interpersonally exploitive, and requires excessive admiration. As you can likely see, these traits are all centered around the person with narcissism and can be damaging when that person is around someone else.
If you were raised by a narcissist, you were rarely, if ever, the priority. Narcissistic parents are self-focused and their needs being met is the most important thing. Not only is the narcissistic parent focused on their own goals and aspirations, in the processes they will belittle and become emotionally distant from their children. As a child of a narcissist, the impact of being raised by a narcissist can be long-standing. During the years in which a child is meant to learn how to trust and rely on others, they are instead taught that people are meant to be used to have your needs met. Even if you were raised by two parents, having even just one parent be a narcissist is enough to lead to possible life-long issues. Despite the best efforts of your non-narcissist parent to create a loving and caring environment, the narcissistic parent’s self-centered approach to everything can strain even healthy interactions that might be present.
Although you may have been able to escape the narcissistic parent, the impact is long-standing. Here are 7 signs you were raised by a narcissist:
1. You are sensitive to criticism: Narcissistic parents view their children as an extension, and reflection, of them. Mistakes should not be made, and a certain image should be upheld and always maintained. Failures, even only perceived failures, are not an option. As result, the narcissistic parent will judge, control, and criticize their child if they engage in any way the parent does not approve of. Due to this constant criticism by their parent, the child becomes sensitive to any criticism, no matter how slight, as they get older.
2. You feel like you are never enough: When the narcissistic parent constantly criticizes and judges all of the child’s decisions and actions, this leads to the child feeling as if they are never enough. Trying their best isn’t enough because how well the child performs is not the gauge by which the narcissist considers their abilities. The narcissist wants things done their way and based on how it will make them look. The child is not a mind reader and will often guess wrong on what their narcissistic parents want or needs. This leads to the child often not meeting their narcissistic parent’s expectations and them feeling like they are never enough.
3. You have a lack of boundaries: The narcissist views their children as an extension of them and expects their children to have the same interests as the narcissists. Additionally, narcissists do not like children who think independently. An independent child is more likely to present themselves in a way the narcissist doesn’t approve of. Due to this, families with narcissistic parents are often enmeshed. Children in the family do not develop a sense of self that is autonomous. The child doesn’t learn what clear boundaries are and this leads to them being unable to set clear boundaries with others in their life.
4: You struggle with depression and anxiety: Being the child of a narcissist can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, constant feelings like you are not good enough, and invalidation of your own emotional experiences. All of these things can impact your mental health and lead to depression and anxiety. Even if the child was able to separate from the narcissistic parent and no longer has contact with them, this can lead to additional feelings of guilt. A child of a narcissist has many negative emotions that they must process but have lacked the appropriate support and comfort from their parent to understand how best to do this.
5. You experience chronic feelings of shame: Shame is the very powerful feeling that you are flawed. People who experience shame think of themselves as defective in some way and unworthy of positive feelings or experiences. As a child of a narcissist, you are told that you are not good enough and are constantly judged and criticized. These experiences can lead to chronic feelings of shame that begins to affect other areas of your life.
6. You repeatedly find yourself in co-dependent relationships: When you grow up in a family with a narcissistic parent, you are viewed as an extension of your narcissistic parent and independent thinking is not only discouraged, but also belittled. This leads to a lack of boundaries in the relationship with the narcissistic parent and disagreeing or saying “no” is often punished. The relationship with the narcissistic parent becomes co-dependent and this becomes your template for how future relationships should look. Children of narcissistic parents often find themselves in relationships where they are ignored and taken advantage of because this is how they were treated when they were younger.
7. Loss of sense of self: Children of narcissistic parents lack a sense of self and don’t have an identity for their own wants and needs. This makes sense because any independent thinking or interest was belittled by the narcissistic parent. Not only does the child of a narcissistic parent struggle in knowing what they want or need, they also struggle with how to ask for what they want and need. A strong sense of self is needed to make decisions that are best for you and to not find yourself in situations where you are passive or even abused.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent can be damaging to a child’s ability to form healthy relationships in the future and make themselves a priority in what they need from others. Mental illness is prominent in children from toxic families and this has long-lasting impacts on their ability to find pleasure in their life. If you think you were raised by a narcissist and it is impacting you today, it is important to seek guidance from a counselor to help you recover from your abusive past.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.