I received a recent question on the difference between the smear campaign and speaking the truth and this is a great question that I wanted to address today.  They can look very similar on the surface, and it is important to understand the underlying intent to truly know the difference between the two.  Just because you are saying something negative, it doesn’t mean you are engaging in a smear campaign and if a narcissist, or any other person, tries to convince you otherwise, it is just more of their manipulation strategies that you want to be prepared to not fall victim to.

Let’s start with what the smear campaign is. The smear campaign is about control for the narcissist.  The narcissist lives in a world of tight control over everything and everyone as a way to protect against narcissistic injury. Things must always go how they want it to and when it doesn’t they will start to spiral out of control.  One way in which they attempt to regain control is with the smear campaign.  If they can get the spotlight off them then they can refocus the attention of others so that they can refill their narcissistic supply.  An empty narcissistic supply is when the narcissist is at their most vulnerable, a feeling they don’t know how to manage. 

The narcissist uses the smear campaign to refill their narcissistic supply. The narcissist will use the smear campaign to watch the person being targeted get increasingly upset over what is happening and what people are saying about them.   The narcissist needs to see others suffering to feel better about themselves.  They lack the ability to increase their own self-esteem so they use other’s pain to their benefit.

The narcissist will also use the smear campaign to see others do the dirty work for them.  The narcissist is a master at blame shifting and not taking responsibility.  If they can enlist the help of others to spread negative information on someone then they can keep the responsibility from them and on others.  It then is no longer about the specific target, but those who are spreading the negative information. The narcissist likes to see others held accountable for their actions. 

So, what does the smear campaign look like? The smear campaign is when the narcissist talks about their target in a way that supports their agenda. The narcissist may focus on things they don’t like about their target or potentially negative things the target has said about them. This is all part of the damage control the narcissist is trying to do through use of the smear campaign.  The narcissist will discuss their target’s faults, things they have said or done that can be taken poorly, and any other information that can paint their target in a poor light.

So, if the smear campaign involves the narcissist saying negative things about someone, then how is that different from a non-narcissist saying something negative about the narcissist, even if speaking the truth? If you are telling others negative information about the narcissist in your life, does that mean you are using the smear campaign? To be able to answer this question, you must consider your intent when you are saying negative things.  Is your intent to manipulate the situation? To say things to get more people on your side so that you can have them work with you and against someone else? Are you saying these things to increase your self-esteem?  If the answer is no, then you are likely not engaging in a smear campaign.

It can be tricky though because if you think someone has wronged you and you discuss this with others, you might be hoping others understand where you are coming from and may also feel the same way about the person who wronged you.  But this is different from the manipulation seen with the smear campaign.  With the smear campaign, the intent is to get responsibility off the narcissist and to deflect blame.  They aren’t interested in people understanding their viewpoint or siding with them.  They simply want someone else to be the scapegoat so they can maintain an image of superiority. 

And of course, if you are spreading negative information about a narcissist, they will accuse you of doing the smear campaign.  This is just another way they blame shift and don’t take accountability.  Just because the narcissist says you are ruining their reputation or making people think poorly of them, it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.  The narcissist is excellent at putting people down, however, when it comes to someone else saying anything that can be seen as negative, they point fingers as the other person is the problem.  The narcissist wants you to live in isolation because people are easier to manipulate when they don’t have others on their side.   If you discuss your concerns with other people, that is ok and don’t let the narcissist convince you otherwise.