In my last blog I discussed why substance abuse is often seen in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or those with narcissistic traits. Check that blog out for more information. Today, I am going to expand on that topic and discuss similarities between narcissists and alcoholics. While I will use the term alcoholic, this information will apply to any person with a substance abuse problem, including drugs. Keep in mind that drug abuse can include illegal drugs and misuse of prescription drugs.
Both narcissists and alcoholics are focused on their own needs being met and do not consider how their actions affect others. The narcissist and the alcoholic both use their supply, either other people or alcohol, as a way to manage negative emotions that they would otherwise be unable to handle in themselves.
Let’s go over 9 similarities between narcissists and alcoholics.
Shame-based: Shame is a feeling in which you believe you as a person are flawed. It isn’t specific to a wrong you committed, but a general feeling you have about all aspects of your life. Shame is pervasive and present in almost all your interactions with your environment. When someone experiences shame, they think they are inadequate as a person. Shame is painful and avoided at all costs. Narcissists and alcoholics both have deep rooted feelings of shame. For alcoholics, they drink as a way to numb the shame. Narcissists avoid shame by blame-shifting and gaslighting as a way to place shame onto someone else.
Entitlement: Narcissists lack empathy and possess feelings of superiority and grandiosity. They only consider themselves in their decisions and do what will serve them best, without considering the impact their decisions might have on others. For alcoholics, drinking is their priority, and they are willing to lose everything around them before giving up their alcohol.
Refusal to take responsibility: This one is related to entitlement and shame. Narcissists and alcoholics don’t consider, or care, how their actions affect others. If it is pointed out to them, they refuse to take responsibility. To take responsibility would require them to admit fault and they cannot admit fault because this brings up feelings of shame. The narcissist and alcoholic also believe they are entitled to behave as they see fit.
Denial: The narcissist and alcoholic both continue their behaviors through denial. For the narcissist, their feelings of grandiosity and superiority means they can do no wrong. For someone to suggest otherwise will only lead to denial as a way to protect their unstable senses of self. For an alcoholic, denial allows them to continue drinking while turning a blind eye to how their drinking affects others.
Blaming: Both narcissists and alcoholics are in denial and this is maintained by their tendency to blame others for their actions. They blame those around them as the reason they behave the way they do and if the other person were different then they would not continue to do the things the other person doesn’t like. Blame-shifting is prominent and a way to take the focus off the narcissist or the alcoholic.
Likely to attack or stonewall when confronted: As mentioned, narcissists and alcoholics do not like to be confronted on their behaviors or how they might affect others. When confronted, they will respond with an attack or stonewalling. The attacks can be verbal or physical. Stonewalling is when there is a refusal to communicate with someone during a disagreement. The stonewalling shuts down all communication, and the ability to discuss the issue at hand. While attacking and stonewalling are opposite approaches, they have the same intended goal which is to avoid conversation about a topic someone doesn’t want to discuss.
Manipulation: People who want to have their own needs met, while ignoring the needs of others, manipulate. Through manipulation, they can focus on what they need and use others to their advantage.
Superficial relationships: Relationships for narcissists and alcoholics are often superficial. The goal is not to build connection, but to find those who can help them get their needs met. For the narcissist, it is someone who can boost their ego and feelings of superiority. For the alcoholic, it is someone who can enable their drinking.
Rapidly changing moods: Narcissists and alcoholics lack effective coping skills and are at the mercy of their environments. When they don’t get their supply of ego-boosting comments or alcohol, they will quickly change into negative emotions. When they are getting what they want, they can exhibit positive emotions. The narcissist and alcoholic are unpredictable in their moods.
Navigating through the world with someone who has narcissistic traits or alcoholism can be difficult. It is rarely about you and is often about what the narcissist or alcoholic needs. Control over their environment is the only way they can feel in control of emotions and thoughts that seem out of their control. As their narcissism or alcoholism worsens, they become more focused on themselves and this is when they can become the most brutal as a way to protect the coping mechanisms they have found work best for them. The narcissist and alcoholic will struggle in changing for the 9 reasons I have laid out above. Each of those reasons are a reflection of them and not of you. No matter how hard you try for things to be better and different, it is up to the individual to make the changes that are needed.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.