A confused person is the narcissist’s best defense against their experiencing narcissist injury.  They want to keep people confused so that they are focused on trying to make sense of their own life and what is happening, and keeping their focus off of the narcissist.  Yes, the narcissist likes to be the center of attention and all eyes on them at times.  However, this is only true if the attention is positive and reinforces their belief they are superior and all knowing.  If the narcissist thinks they will be found out for the fraud they are, they are at risk of experiencing narcissistic injury and then narcissistic rage. They will attempt to avoid this at all costs. The narcissist likes to keep uncertainty in their life so that others around them never know what their next move is.  Narcissists want to keep you confused so that they can more easily control you. 

When someone is confused, they can’t think clearly. They can’t fully process what is happening around them and they have trouble understanding something.  If someone is otherwise cognitively healthy, confusion can be upsetting because you are trying to piece together things so it all makes sense.  You know you should have an answer or understand something, but you just can’t and this leaves you feeling confused. 

When someone is confused it can affect multiple areas of their life, even if only one thing is confusing for them.  As they are trying to make sense of a situation that they can’t make sense of, they notice they have more difficulty carrying out tasks or remembering everyday things. They might also notice their concentration is poor and they are easily distracted.  This is all happening because their thoughts are on a confusing topic, and they get tunnel vision on this thing that just doesn’t make sense. 

And when we are confused about one thing, it affects how we think about other things.  If we can’t make sense of something that otherwise should make sense, then we question what else we possibly don’t understand.  Then, someone who is confused starts to doubt all of their thoughts and actions.  They question what is real and what isn’t. 

Confusion activates our emotions.  While confusion very much involves our thinking, it also activates powerful emotions of frustration and even anger. The more you question what you do and don’t know, the more and more frustrated you get, and this can lead to anger.  Once emotions are activated, emotion will always win out over logic.  Emotions are our primal state and what keep us alive. For example, experiencing the emotion of fear is what gets us out of a dangerous situation. Only after we are removed from the dangerous situation and the fear subsides can we really process what was happening. In the moment it is all based on emotion, while logic and problem-solving fall to the side temporarily. 

The narcissist will often fabricate this confusion in their attempts to control and that is the intent of the narcissist gaslighting. The narcissist wants to make you question your own reality while also increasing your emotional response so that you can’t think clearly.  You are confused because you are being provided a reality that isn’t actually real, and when you question the narcissist about what is happening they deny and blame shift, further confusing you.  You get more and more frustrated, seek answers from the narcissist, but they respond with word salad or any other method to make you feel like the crazy one. 

Narcissists need to keep you confused so they can better create a reality that best serves them.  They know if you aren’t sure what is happening, and they deny what is actually happening, then you start to question yourself and feel more and more crazy.  Not only have they created this confusion in you, they can use your confusion as a way to belittle and name-call, further decreasing your own feelings of self-worth. Everything for the narcissist is carefully crafted so they can avoid feelings of shame and narcissistic injury. If you find yourself always questioning yourself since the narcissist has been in your life, you are not the crazy one.  The narcissist needs you to stay confused and this will continue as long as the narcissist is in your life.