If you have been the victim of the narcissist smear campaign, you may feel lost on how to respond to the accusations and other negative comments that are being made about you. Today, I will discuss how to respond to the smear campaign in a way that doesn’t make you look like the crazy person the narcissist wants people to think you are.
Briefly, let’s review what the smear campaign is. You can get a more detailed explanation by searching “smear campaign” and finding other content I have created on this topic. The smear campaign is when the narcissist will spread misinformation about someone so that this other person is seen as the problem or the crazy one. The smear campaign is a part of the blame shifting the narcissist does where they point the finger at someone other than themselves. The narcissist must always ensure that they aren’t seen as the fraud they are, so they keep the attention off of them and on others.
The smear campaign is one way in which the narcissist creates the narrative that they want others to follow. The smear campaign is about control for the narcissist. They need to control and manipulate everything in their life, to include how others act and think. When they can tightly control people around them, they feel more in control of their own lives.
When enacting the smear campaign, the narcissist will spread negative information about the person they are targeting. The negative information they are spreading about the other person can be true or false, but the intention of the narcissist is to get others on their side. They want to paint their target as unstable, crazy, and the problem so that they can maintain their own image of superiority and grandiosity.
If you are the target of the narcissist smear campaign, you may feel helpless. There is someone who is spreading negative information about you and others are believing them. You feel your life spinning out of control because of the continued actions of the narcissist. And it is made worse if it seems that the people the narcissist is talking to believes what is being said about you. You start to feel alone and isolated with what is happening and don’t know what to do.
So, if you find yourself part of the narcissist smear campaign, how should you respond?
The first step is to not engage with the narcissist. To engage with the narcissist includes asking them to stop, telling them how what they are saying is wrong, arguing with them, or telling them how hurt you are. The narcissist cares about none of that. The narcissist is self-centered and lacks empathy. They don’t care how the smear campaign affects you. While it might feel personal when the smear campaign is happening, it is really not about you at all. It is about the narcissist feeling out of control and needing to get other people on their side. The narcissist isn’t interested in changing their thoughts about you or the smear campaign so it is a waste of your time to discuss the issue with the narcissist. On top of that, the engagement with the narcissist will only give them more information to use against you. They will feed off your uneasiness with what is happening.
Second, don’t explain yourself to others. The narcissist is trying to convince others how you are wrong, crazy, or the problem. You know it is all false, so you naturally get on the defensive and want to defend yourself to those people he is spreading the false information to. Don’t. If the narcissist has effectively pulled people into the smear campaign against you, it is very likely the person isn’t willing to hear your side. This doesn’t mean that they themselves are a narcissist and lack empathy. Rather, we all form opinions on others and if this other person has quickly formed an opinion of you based on what the narcissist has told them, it is unlikely they will be willing to listen to you in your explanation. If you do try to convince them how the narcissist is wrong, it can also backfire against you because the person may see you as the unstable, crazy person the narcissist is trying to paint you as.
And lastly, know your own truths. The goal of the narcissist smear campaign is to gaslight and make you think you are the problem by getting other people to believe that as true. Do not invalidate your own truths by questioning your own reality. The narcissist will most definitely feed on this and then use it against you to further prolong the smear campaign. The narcissist doesn’t know you the way you know yourself, and the narcissist is only looking out for themselves and changes things to match their own narrative. If you find yourself starting to question whether the narcissist is accurate in their assessment of you, remind yourself that you are not the problem, and they are only trying to smear your image.
If you are the recipient of the smear campaign it is absolutely understandable that you will want to defend yourself. However, try to step away and ask yourself whether your words will truly have an impact on the narcissist and change their behaviors. The narcissist will always look out for themselves and the best thing you can do now is cut ties with the narcissist, as well as those they have convincingly pulled to their side. You may find you have lost friends and family in the process, but remember that you found out the true side of others as they were committed to believing the narcissist’s lies about you.