Welcome back for the discussion on criteria #4 in the series on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Over the coming weeks, I will individually discuss one of the 9 diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder that is found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, or DSM-5. Fully understanding each of the criteria needed to meet a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help you better understand the disorder, or at least traits of the disorder. Check out my 3 previous blogs where I discuss the first 3 criteria.
Today I will discuss the fourth criteria in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “requires excessive admiration”.
The narcissist has an unstable sense of self, and they don’t really know who they are as a person. They feel empty inside. This emptiness is in direct contrast to who they present to the world – a competent and successful person. Because of this emptiness and unstable sense of self, they are incapable of feeling good about themselves on their own. They require excessive admiration from those around them.
How they seek out this excessive admiration depends in large part on their personality style. For the covert narcissist, they are reserved and introverted. They seek out admiration in manipulative ways that are less obvious and in your face. With the overt narcissist, they are loud and obviously insensitive to the needs of others. The overt narcissist will openly discuss their accomplishments and how great they are.
Regardless of the way in which the narcissist seeks out the admiration, they are always behaving in ways that allows them to be reminded of how great they are. If you have ever been around a narcissist for a period of time, you might feel emotionally drained, and this is why. The narcissist is constantly taking from you while giving nothing in return. They are a vessel that empties quickly and needs constant refilling from those around them. This is draining for those that interact with the narcissist.
The narcissist must use other people to feel better about themselves. They will talk up who they know, what they have done, and their successes to get positive feedback from you. The admiration and attention they are seeking is the narcissistic supply. It is always waning in the world of the narcissist, so they are always on the lookout for the refill in their supply. The refill of their supply is necessary for them to maintain their always diminishing self-esteem and feel good about themselves.
Because the narcissist is always seeking positive words from others, they may appear self-centered. They discuss how great their job is, how everyone loved their presentation, and how their friends are all professionals in the community. Everything is always about the narcissist. They don’t discuss other people’s successes, including those that did the presentation with them or helped them get the new client. Everything from the narcissist is centered around them.
On the outside the narcissist might appear confident and well-adjusted, but this is all an act. Internally, the narcissist is unstable and insecure. One negative comment or a failure in their life can unravel them and throw them into a narcissistic rage. While the narcissistic rage is unpleasant for those around the narcissist, it is equally unpleasant for the narcissist. The rage occurs because there is a crack in their armor that protects against their unstable sense of self and now they must rebuild themselves back up. Finding new supply and continuing to convince those around you how great you are is just as exhausting for the narcissist as it is for you to continue to provide the excessive admiration for the narcissist. Friendships with narcissists are often short-lived because it is draining to be there for the narcissist every day when they are never there for you. Someone can only tell someone how great they are so many times before they just stop caring.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.