Here we go again.  The narcissist is mad at you yet again for something you did, or maybe something you didn’t even do.  It doesn’t matter, the narcissist is now mad at you again and you find yourself at the receiving end of the silent treatment.  You may have been here before but regardless of how many times in the past you have been given the silent treatment, each time you still wonder will the silent treatment last forever? Today, I will discuss the silent treatment and factors that will determine how long it will last.

Let’s review what the silent treatment is. Put simply, the silent treatment is a refusal to communicate with someone.  It is when someone refuses to discuss an issue, or to even talk at all.  When the silent treatment is given, it is about control.  There are all times in which we don’t want to talk to someone, or need to step away from an interaction so we can gather our thoughts. This isn’t silent treatment.  Silent treatment is 100% about controlling an interaction with someone to manipulate the situation. 

The silent treatment is a powerful way to create change.  When used by narcissists, it is a way to control the interaction and punish the partner. As social creatures, we like connection and to feel heard.  Non-narcissists can consider the feelings of others and don’t want someone else to be upset or hurt. However, for the narcissist, there is no desire to create connection, only a need to get their own needs met.  If the narcissist believes you have wronged them in some way, they will use the silent treatment. The silent treatment is a way in which the narcissist rebalances control in their favor, and they use it when they feel like they are losing control. 

The narcissist’s goal with the silent treatment is to get you to think you are in the wrong and apologize for this alleged wrong-doing you have committed. Then, all blame is on you.  They have effectively created a scenario where you take the blame while they sit back and wait for you to come to them.  Because building connection isn’t the goal, they can stay in the silent treatment as long as needed.

So, if the narcissist can stay in the silent treatment as long as needed, does that mean the silent treatment will last forever? Yes, it is possible the silent treatment can last forever.  And knowing this is a possibility makes the silent treatment even more difficult to deal with.  And the more the narcissist sees you struggling with the silent treatment they are giving, the better they feel about themselves and the longer they can hold out with the silent treatment.

Again, the silent treatment isn’t about you.  It is about the narcissist and them feeling out of control.  When the narcissist starts to feel out of control, they must enact their narcissistic punishment tactics so they can ensure they don’t run out of narcissistic supply; their armor to a world they constantly feel attacked by.  The silent treatment will last as long as the narcissist needs it to.  There is nothing you can do or say to change the length of the silent treatment.  The silent treatment will only end when the narcissist’s supply is sufficiently refilled.  

Their supply can be refilled by them getting satisfaction in how the silent treatment has affected you, or they find a new source of supply and are no longer dependent on you to serve as the supply to counteract their insecurities.  Regardless of where their supply is coming from, the silent treatment will never end if they don’t feel like they have enough reserves in their narcissistic supply to protect against narcissistic injury.  The silent treatment is about control and manipulation and while you may think you can end the silent treatment quicker by stooping to the narcissist’s level and giving them what they want and just agreeing to them; unfortunately, it isn’t that simple.   The rules of the narcissist’s game of control and manipulation are always changing and there is no way to know what the rules on any given day are.  While you may be acting in a way which previously ended the silent treatment, those same actions today could lead to the narcissist holding tighter in their refusal to interact with you and the silent treatment continuing. 

So, yes, the silent treatment very well may last forever.  Recognize that you can’t control the narcissist and the only person you can control is yourself and your actions.  While it isn’t easy to leave a narcissist, use this time of silence to ask yourself why you want to continue proving your worth to someone who sees no value in you when it doesn’t directly benefit them.