You are rid of the narcissist and start to heal now that they are no longer in your life, controlling and abusing you.  They may have discarded you, or you left them before they could discard you.  Either way, the narcissist is finally out of your life, and you are finding who you are again.  But the reality is, you have been here before.  You were free of the narcissist, and enjoying your post-narcissist life, just for them to pop back up again.  Why would the narcissist come back after you two are no longer together?  Today, I will discuss why the narcissist keeps coming back, and how to make it the final discard yourself. 

If the narcissist is no longer in your life, either because of your choice or theirs, this means you were no longer benefiting them.  You were no longer serving as a source of supply, so you stopped being of value to them.  The narcissist doesn’t love like others. They love when it is convenient and love in a way which benefits them, with no recognition or concern for how it affects others.  To the narcissist, people are meant to be used. They are puppets for them to control so they can create a reality which they feel safe living in. 

But nothing is permanent to the narcissist.  While your value as a supply source may have ended, it doesn’t mean you won’t be picked back up when their other supply sources run out.   The narcissist likes to keep people at the ready so they can be used and abused again in the future.

When the narcissist tries to get you back into their life, that is referred to as hoovering.  Think of it as a vacuum that is sucking you in.  The narcissist hoovers by using any tactic they think will get them back into your life as quickly as possible. 

If you were discarded by the narcissist, it is often difficult to resist the hoover.  During the hoover they are nice and maybe even apologizing for all their wrongdoings.  They didn’t act this way in the relationship so you believe maybe they have changed and will be the better person they want you to believe they will be.  You trust they can be nice this time and you want to bring them back into your life. 

As tempting as if might be to see if the narcissist is a changed person, don’t take the bait of the narcissist. What is the bait they are dangling in front of you?  Promises of change, words of affection, and a newfound awareness that they were the problem.  But those are all lies.  It is bait they know you can’t resist, and they will dangle in front of you until you bite.  The narcissist keeps coming back because you take the bait, and you allow them back into your life.  

If the narcissist didn’t change when you were together, why would they change now? Ask yourself why now are they trying to come back into your life? To make it a final discard which is from you, you must not continue to believe the lies of the narcissist and take them back again.  Remind yourself of their manipulation and how in the end they always get what they want.  They aren’t coming back for you; they are coming back because they are running low on supplies and know you are a reliable source of supply for them.