The narcissist has found a new supply.  They discarded you to be with the supply and ended your relationship with seemingly no warning.   Yet, the narcissist still contacts you even after the discard.  Why does the narcissist still contact you even when they have a new supply? Wasn’t the new supply chosen so that they can be with them and not you? As usual, most things with the narcissist are confusing and this is no exception.  Today, I will discuss why the narcissist still contacts you even if they have found someone new to refill their narcissistic supply. 

As a quick refresher, let’s discuss the narcissist supply and what it is. The narcissist constantly needs reassurance from others to reaffirm their belief that they are the superior and grandiose person they view themselves as.  When they no longer have a supply providing this, they must rely on themselves. However, the narcissist is unable to provide this in themselves. The narcissist is insecure and has low self-esteem, so they require another person to provide support. When one narcissist supply no longer serves them, they will move on to another one.

The narcissist supply acts to refill their empty tank so that they can continue to present themselves as all-knowing, grandiose, and superior.  

Because supply is needed to be able to function in the world, the narcissist doesn’t have only one source of supply.  They can’t run the risk of a supply no longer serving the intended purpose, so they ensure they always have a selection of supply choices to choose from.  So, while one supply may no longer be benefiting them in the way they would like, they can’t completely let go of that supply because they need people in the reserves for when they are on the verge of narcissistic collapse.

When the narcissist has discarded you, that is their way of saying you no longer benefit them at this moment.  However, in their mind, you may benefit them again in the future, so they keep you around. 

Even if they have found a new primary source of supply, they can’t run the risk of you being completely out of their life.  So, they continue to contact you to keep you in the picture.  Although the relationship has ended, their controlling and manipulative ways haven’t. 

You must also consider the narcissist is still contacting you because your reaction to their contact can still serve as a source of supply for them.  If you ask them about getting back together, this boosts their ego and inflates their supply.  On the other hand, if you ignore them or tell them to stop contacting them, this can also boost their supply reserves because they know they are upsetting you.  The narcissist will get supply wherever they can, even if that includes playing with your emotions after a discard.

Nothing is ever final for the narcissist.   The narcissist is unstable in their thoughts and emotions and being with them is a rollercoaster.  The narcissist is reactive to the world around them because of their unstable sense of self.  What upsets them today might be the very thing that boosts their ego tomorrow.  It is impossible to truly predict what the narcissist’s next move is. The discard is what they needed today but might not be what they need tomorrow. 

The only way to ever truly have a narcissist out of your life is to block them so they no longer have access to you. The narcissist will always keep you in their toolbox of supplies they can pull from when it is most convenient for them.  Don’t give them that access to you. While it might be hard to fully delete them from your life, this is necessary to ensure you aren’t a continued pawn in their game of control and manipulation.