If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you might find that sometimes you feel like you are going crazy.  Your narcissist partner might even tell you that you are crazy and this further confirms your belief that you are, in fact, going crazy. 

When you were otherwise a stable person in both life and emotions, why do you now feel like you are going crazy?  If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, or any form of abusive relationship that is toxic, manipulation and control are commonly used as a way for the toxic partner to dictate how the relationship goes.  Sustained experience with manipulation and control can make you question reality.

One common way in which abusive partners gain control is through gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the goal of the person engaging in the gaslighting (abuser) is to have the recipient or recipients (victims) doubt their truths.  If the abuser can create an environment in which you doubt what is true and what is not true, then the abuser can better control you.  If you can’t remember whether something did or didn’t happen, the abuser becomes the person you rely on to receive that information. This allows the abuser to insert their own truths in a way they want you to think about things.  It is not that you didn’t remember what happened,  but that you doubt yourself because of the doubt introduced by the abuser.  When you think something has happened but your partner tries to tell you it didn’t, in the absence of concrete proof you are left with uncertainty and reliance on your partner.

Narcissists are masters at their craft.  They have taken years, or even decades, to get better at their game of control and manipulation.  They may appear to not care about you or your interests, when in fact they listen intently to you and watch your actions to manipulate you. They cannot alter your reality if they don’t know what your reality is.  They may seem to not care about you or your interests, despite their laser focus on what you do and think; however, this apparent disinterest is because they aren’t interested in becoming emotionally attached to you or what makes you happy.  They are gathering information for their benefit and not yours.  Additionally, if you express frustration that they are not listening to you, this is just more pieces of information they can use against you when they need to control you.  They have now learned that not listening frustrates you, so when they start to feel like they are losing control of you, they can induce frustration in you as a way to regain control.  They know exactly how to push your buttons.

When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you may feel like you are going crazy because that is exactly how the narcissistic has designed your environment. They listen to you, watch you, and know what to say or do to upset you.  When they can play word games with you, you think you are going crazy.  When you are in a relationship with a narcissist it is important to have other people in your life that you spend time with and/or talk to.  If you find that you are only interacting with the narcissist, their ability to control you becomes greater.  They become your only source or “reality” and you are fact-checking against the same person that is manipulating. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be isolating on its own, but it can also be further damaging to your mental health and lead to thinking you are in fact going crazy. 

At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment.  Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.