The narcissist is a hypocrite. They say one thing and act in a totally different way. If you say something they don’t like or do something they see as wrong in any way, they are quick to point out your faults while name calling and belittling you. However, the moment you point out their faults or try to address the way they act towards you, they quickly go into narcissistic rage. The narcissist can dish it out but can’t take it. Why can’t narcissists take criticism?
The narcissist puts on an act and their life is a falsehood they have created. They pretend to be all-knowing and superior, but they have little to show for this. Because they don’t have proof to back up their words, they are always on the defensive, waiting for anything that might be said or done to expose them for who they really are. Because they are always on the defensive, anything said to them can be taken negatively. They attack with words directed at them because attacking pushes people away and allows them to keep walls up around them to help protect them from being found out as the insecure person they truly are.
The narcissist is sensitive to criticism because it leads to feelings of shame, and this can lead to narcissistic injury. When the narcissist experiences shame, their narcissistic supply is rapidly depleted, and they are left to fend for themselves. They no longer have the narcissist supply to boost their ego and they must face who they are as a person.
The problem is anything can be viewed as criticism by the narcissist. You can make a neutral statement about them, or their actions, and they see this as criticism and confrontation. Because the narcissist is always on the defensive, they are like an animal waiting to strike.
What you notice, however, is that the narcissist is a master at doling out the insults. This is why they are hypocrites. They act one way and expect everyone around them to act another. If someone were to behave the same way they do with their gaslighting, belittling, rage, and silent treatment then they become a target of the narcissist’s abuse. This is because the narcissist must always feel in control. If someone else is acting in a way which they don’t like, the power has shifted away from the narcissist, and they don’t know how to handle this. When the narcissist feels as if they aren’t in control, their narcissistic supply flows out faster and they become more sensitive.
The narcissist also will be mean and insulting to feel better about themselves. They will purposefully put people down because they are feeling insecure in that moment. For the narcissist, nothing brings them greater joy than seeing someone else hurt by their actions. The ultimate form of control is knowing their words have the power to make someone feel small and insignificant.
The narcissist lacks empathy, so they don’t understand how another person feels. The narcissist only knows how the other person is acting in that moment and this is what brings them joy. If the person being attacked by the narcissist is crying or yelling then the narcissist knows they have hurt that person. However, the narcissist can’t feel for that other person and connect with their emotional experiences. The narcissist can poke at someone for as long as they see fit because they can’t take the perspective of the other person. The narcissist is only focused on themselves and how they feel in that moment. Each mean act performed by the narcissist works to increase their narcissistic supply. When they feel their supply is sufficiently full, they will stop. There is nothing the other person can say or do to stop the narcissist from being cruel. The only person who can stop it is the narcissist and that is based on when they think they have regained control.