The narcissist has low self-esteem and an unstable sense of self. Due to their unstable sense of self, the narcissist doesn’t have a good understanding of who they are, and this can change moment to moment. Therefore, they seem to be unpredictable in their emotions and responses. They literally operate in the moment and how they feel in that moment. They are unable to combine the past, present, and future versions of themselves. They are continuously at the mercy of their environment and what is happening around them. Because of their unstable senses of self, the narcissist relies on others to make themselves feel better. This is the purpose of the narcissist supply for the narcissist. The narcissist needs a supply of attention and certain words and behaviors from others to boost their ever-waning supply. While they may come off as competent and confident, this is an act they put on. To avoid being exposed for who they are, the narcissist must always have a new supply ready to boost their ego. However, what happens when the narcissist doesn’t find a new supply?
The narcissist must always be on the look-out for a new supply because their supply tank is always being drained. It is like gas in a car; the more you use it the more gas you need. For the narcissist, their supply is being used up just by living. They don’t need to be doing anything other than living their life. This means their supply is always going out, so they need to refill it constantly. This can be done through small things everyday, or big events that refill their supply all at once. Either way, the narcissist must have a supply tank that is full enough for them to interact with their environment or else they expose themselves to narcissistic injury. The narcissist is highly vulnerable to shame which leads to narcissistic injury and then narcissistic rage. In order to set a buffer against this narcissistic injury, they must keep their supply tank as full as possible at all times.
The narcissist tries to design their life where they always have another source of supply at the ready. For example, if they want to leave a relationship, they won’t do this until they have another supply ready to use. But despite the intense desire to control every aspect of their life, the narcissist sometimes is left in a position where they can’t control everything and quickly realize they don’t have another supply at the ready.
If the narcissist’s current supply has taken control away from them by leaving before they have a replacement, the narcissist will do whatever they need to find a new supply, even if just for the moment and not a permanent source of supply. During this time, the narcissist is the most vulnerable which means they are also the most reactive to their environment. The narcissist will use their narcissist punishment tactics to put others down as a way to boost themselves up. They still have the belief they are superior to others, and they need to protect this view of themselves. They will belittle, name call, and do whatever is needed for them to feel good about themselves.
While it is possible the narcissist could associate themselves more with people who make them feel powerful and won’t need to use their narcissistic punishment tactics, this is less likely to happen if the narcissist is almost empty of supply because at that point they are in panic mode. They need to quickly feel better about themselves and this is usually through putting others down. When you associate with people you feel are your equals, this could lead to feelings of competition and wouldn’t be as fast of a supply refill as the narcissist punishment tactics would be for the narcissist.
If ultimately the narcissist can’t find a new supply at all, they will be faced with who they really are as a person. They will realize they aren’t superior, all-knowing, and someone people want to be around. They will start to break down mentally because they are now required to be vulnerable, and this is something they are incapable of doing. They have spent a lifetime blame shifting and not taking responsibility for their actions and when they must finally face reality, and not the reality they have created for themselves, they are faced with who they truly are as a person and not the lie they created. The unstable senses of self will become apparent, and they will quickly decompensate, becoming more and more erratic in their behavior and more brutal in their words.