If you have ever known a narcissist, you likely have felt out of control in the interactions with the narcissist and confused with how things go. One minute they are understanding and caring and the next they are telling you how horrible you are and everything wrong with you. The narcissist is hot and cold, quickly moving between emotions and thoughts about you. They love you one minute and hate you the next. Even if you just had an amazing weekend, or several years, with them, they are quick to cut you out of your life. One way in which narcissists can quickly push you away is by blocking you on the phone and social media. What does it mean when a narcissist blocks you?
As I have discussed before, the narcissist is the lead in a play they have created. They modify their environment and closely control who they allow into their lives so their false selves can be most effectively implemented in this representation of their lives. The narcissist pretends to be all-knowing and superior, but this is an act to protect against their fragile senses of self. They are prone to shame, and this leads to narcissistic injury. The narcissist cannot quickly recover from perceived threats so they must avoid them at all costs. For a non-narcissist, an unkind word can be hurtful but is something that can be recovered from easily in most situations. A non-narcissist doesn’t believe their entire world is crumbling in front of them if someone thinks negatively of them.
The narcissist, however, does. A perceived attack triggers shame which the narcissist has no effective coping mechanisms to deal with. As a result, their default is to use their many narcissistic punishment tactics to help manage the feelings of shame. One of the punishments they may use is blocking your phone number or blocking you on social media. This blocking by the narcissist serves two purposes.
First, when the narcissist blocks you, it is so they can regain control of a situation they feel they are losing control of. If you are blocked, then they are actively controlling what information can get to them. The more control they have over the information that they are presented with, the better they can protect against narcissistic injury. The narcissist is always on the defensive. However, being on the defensive is exhausting and sometimes they need to shut someone out to take a break. This act of blocking by the narcissist is very much about them and only focused on them and what they need. The narcissist is unable to communicate their needs effectively through communication, so, instead, they shut down.
Another reason the narcissist blocks you is to punish you in a way where you think about what you did. This is gaslighting and blame shifting from the narcissist. You don’t actually have to have done anything wrong. The narcissist just must be experiencing narcissistic injury, or be low on narcissist supply, and feels they need to punish you. The narcissist feels better when you feel worse about yourself. They know that blocking you makes you upset and angry and they need to know you are experiencing these negative emotions as a way to increase their narcissistic supply.
When the narcissist blocks you, this is the ultimate power control game. You have no means of discussing an issue with them or explaining how you feel. Even if you weren’t blocked, the narcissist wouldn’t care about either of those things, but you at least feel as if you can explain yourself. However, by blocking you the narcissist removes any sense of control you have in a situation and minimizes your own experiences so much that there isn’t even an opportunity to discuss the issues. Blocking by the narcissist will last as long as the narcissist thinks it should. What you did or didn’t do isn’t a gauge in how soon the narcissist unblocks you. The narcissist will decide to let you back into their life when they have sufficiently refilled their narcissistic supply and believe you have now taken responsibility for the perceived wrong against them.
