If you have ever had a narcissist in your life, either romantically, a parent, or a co-worker/boss, then you have likely often felt small and worthless around them.  The narcissist is incapable of feeling positively about themselves so they must make others feels worthless as a way for themselves to feel better.  The smaller you feel, the fuller the narcissist supply gets and the better the narcissist feels about themselves. 

Narcissists live off insulting others and belittling.  Making other people feel small is truly how they can continue living.  When they insult others, they are refilling their own supply.  In the absence of the narcissistic supply being refilled, they experience shame and narcissist injury, and they are unable to process these emotions.  The narcissist is adept at knowing when their supply is running low and this is when they will make you feel worthless by gaslighting, blame-shifting, projecting, and name calling. 

The narcissist insults others to feel better about themselves.  When the narcissist can keep their victim feeling worthless, then the victim is less likely to fight back. The victim starts to feel helpless, and this is exactly where the narcissist wants them to be.  When the narcissist feels as if their flaws might be exposed, they will work to make others feel little so that they can feel better.

This is where the projection from the narcissist comes in.  Projection is where someone experiences a negative or unwanted emotion and projects it onto someone else.  If they can make the other person feel that negative emotion, then they can take it off themselves and place it onto the other person.  This is a defense mechanism that is commonly used by narcissists.  To protect their beliefs that they are superior and grandiose, they must keep out any negative feelings or beliefs that would suggest otherwise.  Narcissists are fragile and they can’t consider themselves as superior while also experiencing a negative emotion.  This would lead to narcissistic injury so they must get rid of this feeling as quick as possible.  

The only way the narcissist can feel in control is if they manipulate others for what will serve the narcissist at that moment. Narcissists are calculated and know exactly what buttons to push.  They watch intently how people respond to situations so they can then use that information against them.  You feel worthless when you are around a narcissist because that is how they want, and need, you to feel.  

When the narcissist can act in a way that makes you feel guilty, insecure, and uncertain, then they can feel good about themselves. Your unhappiness is the pathway to their happiness.  They manipulate and gaslight so you feel uncertain and question your own reality. When you feel insecure the narcissist doesn’t try to help you feel better, but preys upon your weakness and beats you down more. The narcissist wants you to doubt yourself because they can come in and introduce a reality that best suits them.

In addition to the manipulation, the narcissist also name calls and belittles. Nothing you can do is right, and you are to blame for everything.  When things don’t go how the narcissist wants them to, it is your fault, and you are the one to blame.  By keeping the finger pointed at you, then they can absolve themselves of all blame while ensuring you question yourself more and more.  This sets the stage for you to believe the names that you are called such as crazy, stupid, and not good enough.  This is just one more way in which the narcissist gains the upper hand while you continue to feel worthless. 

The narcissist is out for #1, which is themselves. They beat you down to feel better about themselves and they have no intention of helping you feel better.  They lack empathy and can’t truly understand how their actions affect you, but they also don’t want you to feel better.  If you feel good about yourself, then they can’t manipulate you and run the risk of you finding their flaws.  This is not a risk they are willing to take and they will avoid the spotlight on them at all costs. 

At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment.  Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.