The narcissist is never happy. Everything you and those around them do is wrong, not good enough, or the reason why they are angry.  It seems the world is against them, and they can never be happy because of this.  While the narcissist seems to always be upset, can the narcissist ever really be happy?

I don’t mean the happy they pretend to be when they meet their new supply and love bomb.  But a happiness within that is based on the joys people and life around them bring. 

The truth is a narcissist can never be happy because there is no end to their game of control and manipulation.  Even if they have achieved what they want through their punishment tactics, they aren’t happy because that specific accomplishment was meant to divert a potential negative outcome in that moment.  There is always a new battle they think is being planned against them that they must fight. 

The happiness can’t be sustained because they must move onto their next form of control and manipulation to ensure their ever decreasing supply remains replenished. The narcissist must seek a constant supply of attention and admiration to feel good about themselves.  They have low self esteem and can’t feel good about themselves internally, so they must use others.  Through seeking of admiration and support from others, they can feel good about themselves.  They can’t let their supply get too low because that opens them up to narcissistic injury and this is something they will protect against at all costs. 

Imagine you are driving your car in remote parts of your country. There are limited services around and you don’t know where the next gas station might be.  In this example you don’t have GPS or the internet to look for gas stations.  You must rely on luck, your skills in driving towards more populated areas, and trust that your gas gauge is accurate.  As you drive, you use fuel and there is less gas in the tank.  Speed, wind, and even temperature can impact how much fuel is used.  As you drive through the remote parts of your country, you stop at each gas station you encounter because you don’t know when you will see another one.  Keeping your gas tank full is important because your car can’t run on empty.

This is how supply works for the narcissist. As they move through their lives, their supply decreases.  Sometimes it decreases faster and sometimes it might hold steady.  This is all dependent on what is happening around them and how much control they think they have.

As soon as their supply starts to get low, they must quickly find ways to replenish.  Just as you don’t know where the next gas station will be on your trip, the narcissist can’t be guaranteed a replenishing of their supply is nearby. They are constantly on the hunt for admiration and support to maintain their false sense of self and feelings of superiority. 

As you can imagine, this can be stressful and bring a lot of uncertainty to the narcissist.  They know the refill of their supply is temporary and they must be on the lookout for the next refill.  The narcissist would never let you know this, however, because even as their supply is waning, they must continue to present the image of grandiosity and superiority. 

So, to answer the question on whether the narcissist can ever be happy. The answer is no. Life for them is a constant search for new supply to protect against narcissistic injury. They lack empathy and can’t connect to others which makes the supply refill temporary, and they must constantly find new supplies because they push away the ones they have already used.

At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment.  Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.