Have you ever felt like you were going crazy when the narcissist just stopped talking to you? Their silence wasn’t an accident, it’s a tactic.  Today, I’ll discuss why the silent treatment feels so unbearable, and what it does to your mind and heart. 

The psychological impact of the silent treatment is powerful and can be long lasting. It isn’t just about the abusive partner not talking to you, their silence can take an emotional toll on your overall mental health.  The emotional effects of the silent treatment can be long-lasting and damaging. 

At the start of the silent treatment, you may experience a variety of emotions.  I recently held a poll asking what hits you first during the silent treatment.  The most popular response was confusion at 46%. That was followed by relief at 27%, anger at 19%, and then guilt being reported by 7% of the people.  Along with these emotions, you wonder what you did wrong.  You make the silence about you and try to replay what you did or said which could have led to the other person going silent.  You question your own words and feelings and blame yourself even if you don’t know why the silence even started.  You send texts in hopes of getting answers, or at least breaking the silence, but nothing.

You then experience anxiety and hypervigilance.  You start to walk on eggshells and become desperate to fix things in order for the tension from the silence to be relieved. Because you don’t know why the narcissist has gone silent, you think anything you say or do could worsen the issue.  You continue to be confused and question everything you do.  You walk on eggshells and try to disappear into the background to avoid doing something wrong again.  This uncertainty drives your anxiety. 

Their silence taps into deep fears of rejection and being unloved. The person you are trying to connect with is pushing you away and you feel more alone as the silence continues.  This is why the silent treatment hurts so much

The silent treatment is a form of psychological punishment.  By going silent, it is a form of manipulation which is used to withhold connection and affection.   The silent treatment isn’t given because the narcissist is feeling overwhelmed and needs to step away.  The silent treatment is meant to destabilize you.  It keeps you in a cycle of thinking if you chase them, maybe it’ll stop.    You then get stuck on an emotional roller coaster of fear, then guilt, and finally relief if the silence is broken. 

The silent treatment isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s a reflection of their need for control. Instead of trying to get their attention and hoping they break their silence, remind yourself the silence is about them and not you.  That may be hard to believe because the silence is directed at you, but the silence will always be about them and their unstable sense of self and fragile ego.  The impact of silent treatment in relationships will never improve unless you take control back from the narcissist.  Knowing how to cope with the silent treatment helps you feel more in control of a no-win situation the narcissist has placed you into.

Now you know the hidden damage the silent treatment does to you, but in the next blog I’ll answer the question of whether it is really your fault.