When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, your first instinct is to chase after answers.  But that’s exactly what they want.  Today, I will discuss what you can do instead by discussing ways you can protect your peace during the narcissist silent treatment. You might be googling “Narcissist silent treatment what to do?” and today I am going to give you a clear answer. 

When the narcissist goes silent, it isn’t because they need time to step away from what is causing stress in their life.  They don’t go silent to consider what they could have done wrong and how to resolve the issue.  The narcissist lacks the empathy and the insight to be able to consider the role they played in negative interactions, but they also lack the ability to take accountability for their role. 

The narcissist has gone silent because they need to punish you for a wrong they want you to believe you committed.  The problem is, sometimes there isn’t even something that actually happened.  But at the end of the day, reality isn’t important to the narcissist. They act on their own wants and needs and if they think their carefully crafted plan for how the world works in their favor is somehow disrupted, they punish those around them.  The narcissist goes silent because they are at risk of narcissistic injury and are losing supply from their supply tank faster than they can refill it. 

The narcissist goes silent so they can refill their supply tank through controlling you with their silence.  When they go silent, you will oftentimes want to fix the problem you think exists because of their silence. As you try to fix the problem, the narcissist again feels needed and they enjoy the focus on them they are getting.  And as you try to fix this problem that likely didn’t even exist to begin with, you admit fault to things or take responsibility for making things better.  Every word you say makes you the problem and removes all responsibility from the narcissist. 

As much as you may want to talk about the silence or try to take responsibility for what you have determined you may be at fault for – don’t.  Aside from the fact that there isn’t even an actual problem for you to fix, even if there was, the narcissist isn’t looking to work through an issue.  The narcissist has gone silent as a way to control and manipulate.  The more you try to engage with the narcissist, the more it rewards their manipulation.  And when you try to talk to them during the silent treatment, you are teaching them silence is effective. The narcissist uses this cycle to keep power. 

If you shouldn’t try to smooth things over and relieve the tension during the silent treatment by trying to return things back to how they were, how should you respond?

First and foremost, don’t feed into the tactic.  Remind yourself that even if there was a problem to solve, the narcissist isn’t looking to solve the problem.  They are silent solely to control and manipulate. The more you try to explain yourself to the narcissist, the more they can convince themselves that you are the problem. And the more you talk to them now, the more content you are providing to them that can be used against you in the future.   The silent treatment is a game for the narcissist.  Don’t play this game you have been unwillingly signed up for. 

During their silence, use that time to focus on yourself.  Do things you enjoy that you stopped doing because of the narcissist.  They are being silent so use that time to enjoy something without them telling you how it might be stupid or a waste of time.  Take advantage of their silence and don’t let it be another way they can control you.

Use the silence as clarity to see their behavior for what it is – a manipulation tool and not a reflection of your self-worth.  Remind yourself you’re not responsible for fixing what they refuse to communicate about. 

Protecting yourself means refusing to play their game.  You don’t break the silence for them, you break it for you, by choosing strength and peace.