Dealing with a narcissist is a constant game of control and manipulation. They want to ensure they have control of you at all times so they can feel in control of their own lives. The narcissist must always win in this game they have created. The problem is, the rules of the game change from moment to moment with the narcissist. You will never be able to know what the narcissist is thinking or doing so you will never win against the narcissist. Additionally, the narcissist has created a fantasy world where they are entitled and think only of themselves. They care for only themselves. If it looks as if they might be losing, they will put you down and belittle you so that they can gain the upper hand. In the mind of the narcissist, they have arranged their surroundings in a way to ensure things work out as they want them to. No matter how horrible the narcissist is to you, they always seem to win. Why is that?
The narcissist is a master at manipulation. They have manipulated those around them, and even themselves, for their entire lives. Narcissists were born narcissists and have spent decades fine tuning this aspect of themselves. While it might look like they are winning, and always get what they want, this isn’t exactly true. The narcissist is a chameleon and changes who they are based on what they need. With the narcissist, the rules of the game are always changing, and this is why it seems they always win. They manipulate their environment in their favor.
The narcissist plays mind games with people, so it looks as if they are superior, all-knowing, and perfect. If they think someone is catching on to who they really are, they change the rules of the game. The narcissist is like a magician and creates smoke screens to distract your attention somewhere else. This can be done through love bombing or narcissistic punishment tactics. The narcissist uses whatever will benefit them the most in that moment. Not winning is not an option because this would expose the narcissist for the fraud they truly are.
Many times, narcissists choose people who are empathic and givers. This works well for the narcissist because the narcissist knows the empath will put the narcissist above themselves. The narcissist is more than willing to take while never feeling as if they need to give in return. This is another reason why it seems as if the narcissist is winning. To some degree, the empath, or codependent person, has set up this arrangement. The empath will give over and over again, even when the narcissist doesn’t do anything positive in return. This results in you thinking you always lose with the narcissist and they win. At the end of the day, they have gotten what they want, while you sit back and are used.
Even when the narcissist is in the idealization stage and love bombing, they are still winning because they are using this technique to gain the upper hand. You might think it is about you and you feel better about yourself. However, all roads lead back to the narcissist. It is always about the narcissist and what will benefit them at all costs.
And while you may not want to hear this, you need to consider what role you play in the narcissist always winning. Have you not set firm boundaries with them, and they use and abuse you because they can consistently get away with it? The narcissist loves to test boundaries because they want to see how far they can push you. When you are upset and unhappy, this boosts the narcissist’s supply. They like to find the balance between pushing you to the edge, but not so far that you actually leave them. Be aware of the narcissist’s actions and pay attention to when they change the rules of the game. The narcissist likes to keep you guessing because this allows them to more effectively gaslight you. Stay a step-ahead by holding to your boundaries, thus not allowing the narcissist the ability to change the game in their favor.
