Being in a relationship with a narcissist is rarely rewarding. I don’t even mean just dating relationships, but any type of relationship with a narcissist – dating, co-workers, friends, neighbors, or familial. The type of relationship doesn’t matter, the narcissist is a narcissist no matter what the setting. The narcissist knows exactly what to say to you to make you feel uneasy and doubt yourself and your decisions. How can a narcissist be so good at making you feel bad about yourself, while otherwise having seemingly poor skills relating to people? Why, exactly, do narcissists make you doubt yourself?
The first thing you must remember about a narcissist is that they have beliefs of superiority and grandiosity. They believe that they are better than everyone else. However, this is a façade, a fantasy they have created with little evidence in the real world that they are actually superior. If someone doesn’t have evidence of their own superiority, the only way to feel better about themselves is to make those around them feel inferior.
The narcissist thrives off the ability to put people down and have them feel inferior by saying and doing things so that they doubt themselves. One way they instill self-doubt in someone is through gaslighting. The narcissist is a keen observer and is always looking for your weaknesses, so they know what buttons to push. They push your buttons when you are feeling your weakest so that their efforts produce greater effects for them. Had a bad day at work? Arguing with friends and family? This is the perfect time for the narcissist to come in and make you feel inferior by pushing your buttons and targeting your weaknesses.
The narcissist is effective in their control and manipulation because things are presented in a way in which the victim questions their own thoughts and conclusions about something versus the narcissist outright saying mean things. Yes, the narcissist can be mean, brutal, and direct in their words. However, when they want to manipulate over time, they will use gaslighting. This makes you think you are crazy and question what is happening because it develops slowly over time.
The way you remember things happening is never how the narcissist remembers it when they need to ensure you are feeling unstable and insecure. This can be any event, such as what someone had for dinner when you all went out last night. These small instances that alone don’t really matter in the big picture are perfect chances for the narcissist to slowly creep in and take control.
The narcissist also makes you doubt yourself as a form of projection. They pretend to be confident and all-knowing, but this is another act they play in their game of control and manipulation. When they put you down, they are actually saying that they are not feeling good about themselves. They lack the insight to be able to recognize this and address it, so they act out and make you feel like you are the problem.
The narcissist NEEDS you to doubt yourself. This is the only way they can maintain the feeling of superiority in themselves. When you doubt yourself, they feel better about themselves, and their supply can be refilled. The narcissist is always on the hunt for a new source of narcissistic supply so that it is at the ready when they need it. They can be patient, waiting for just the moment to make you feel inferior that will benefit them the most. However, every day with a narcissist is built around them slowly working towards you doubting your own beliefs.
The narcissist lives in a fantasy world created by them but because it is not rooted in reality, they must always be on the lookout for things that could reveal their true selves. By making you doubt yourself, they can feel as if they have an upper hand in their need to make those around them feel inferior.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.