The narcissist is draining to be around. Everything positive is about them. Anything else is about you and everyone around them who is wrong, incompetent, and not worthy of their time and attention. If the narcissist isn’t talking about how wonderful they are, they are complaining. Narcissists complain about everything. Why do narcissists complain so much?
If you remember, narcissists live in a fantasy world created by them that also must be maintained by them because there is no actual evidence they are the superior person they want you to think they are. The problem is the narcissist believes this fantasy they have created, and they will do everything to ensure their true selves are never exposed. When things don’t go as the narcissist wants, they complain. The complaining can be obvious through mean words and loud voices, or more passive-aggressively through sarcasm and belittling. Either way, the narcissist is trying to protect their fragile senses of self to prevent narcissistic injury.
The narcissist is entitled and expects excessive admiration from everyone. To not receive this feels like a personal attack to the narcissist. So, they complain. They complain how you don’t understand who they are and what they have to offer. How you are wrong in not understanding why they acted in a certain way.
Nothing is ever good enough for a narcissist because a narcissist is never happy. They have an unstable sense of self that needs constant refill with a narcissistic supply. They cannot produce happiness from within. Their focus is on keeping their guard up so that they aren’t exposed for who they really are. This doesn’t allow them to simultaneously find pleasure in theirs, or others, lives.
The complaining is also used to control. When the narcissist complains, attention is on them. They receive words of encouragement or get special treatment. The special treatment doesn’t even have to be done with care by the other person. The only thing the narcissist sees is they are being treated differently than others and receiving what they think others want. Narcissists are envious of others and also think others are envious of them. When they can feel special, this contributes to refilling their narcissistic supply.
Through their control tactics, they can manipulate the people around them. The more they complain, the more they get their way and the more they feel in control. It is always about what the narcissist wants and needs and never about the other person.
The complaining is also used to have other people feel as bad as they do. Narcissists never want to be at the bottom alone and will do anything to bring you down with them. The narcissist will complain to draw you into their negativity. Misery loves company and no one knows this better than the narcissist. The narcissist lacks empathy and is incapable of understanding that you might feel happy. All they are focused on is ensuring you know how bad they feel.
To feel better about themselves, the narcissist must always complain through identification of other’s shortcomings. This way the focus is on everyone else but them. As long as they complain and point out where everyone else is failing, then they think the attention is off them. The narcissist must always be in control and one way they do this is complaining. Complaining allows them to control the narrative and manipulate things in their favor.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.