Narcissists are lazy.  They have created a carefully crafted reality which meets their needs, and no one else’s.  Everything must be scripted and the people they encounter are unknowing actors in the reality they have created for themselves.  They need this control and predictability in their life, so they don’t have to work harder than anyone else.  The narcissist expects everyone to not only know what they are thinking and want, but to behave in the way they have decided they should.  And when the narcissist is faced with actual reality, and not their crafted lies, they expect everyone else to change while they do nothing.  Today, I will discuss why narcissists are lazy and why it is everyone’s responsibility to change, and not the narcissist’s. 

The narcissist is self-centered and has the belief that the world is designed around them.  People want to be like them and are envious of them.  Everything the narcissist thinks and does is considered from their perspective and never someone else’s.  When you add in their lack of empathy, then you can fully understand how the narcissist is always looking out for number 1, which is themselves.

The narcissist lives in a world which never fully lines up with their beliefs and they always feel on the verge of being found out for the fraud they are.    They create a façade of superiority as a way to hide their deep rooted insecurity.  The control they have on everything, and everyone, is needed to protect themselves from a world they always feel on the defensive in. 

And this is where the narcissist’s laziness comes in.  If the narcissist is met with something that doesn’t fit into their belief system, they expect the other person to change.  The narcissist would never consider what they could, or should, do differently, and everything is always someone else’s fault. The narcissist expects every person to act in the way they have decided they should and if the person doesn’t, this is when the narcissist will use one of their narcissistic punishment tactics, such as rage and the silent treatment.  The goal of the punishment tactic is for you to reconsider the wrong they believe you committed, and to make a different decision.

The narcissist will never choose the route in which they have to work harder.  If they believe you are pushing against them, they will rage harder or stay silent longer.   These come easy for the narcissist and don’t require effort.  As long as they rage and go silent, then you will be the one forced to make a change.  As a non-narcissist, you want things to go well and will do things, even if it means taking fault for something you didn’t do, to decrease the tension in the relationship.

But stop letting the narcissist abuse you while you don’t make yourself a priority.  Make the narcissist work harder and not you.   How do you make the narcissist work harder? By creating, and maintaining, boundaries.  A boundary is a limit you have designated for yourself which protects your own well-being.  In order to set a boundary, you must know what you are willing to accept from others and once you develop the boundary, you must be able to keep it.  A boundary which is defined but not kept, isn’t effective.  If you have communicated a boundary to someone, yet you constantly let them break the boundary, then you may as well have not created the boundary to begin with. 

Of course, if you hold the narcissist to your boundary, they will become upset and increase their punishment tactics.  Despite this, it is important that you continue to hold your boundaries.  No explanation, no emotion, only a holding of the boundary you have set for yourself.  The narcissist doesn’t respect you, so you need to respect yourself and not allow the narcissist to continue to be abusive while you make changes in who you are.  If you show emotion, push back, or do anything else to acknowledge their punishment, then you are helping them inflate their narcissistic supply and then they can better control and abuse you in the future.

Even if the narcissist doesn’t change, and doesn’t see the wrongdoings they have committed, you know you are no longer a doormat the narcissist walks all over.  The narcissist will never change and they will continue to be lazy as they blame shift and never take responsibility.   Make the narcissist work harder in their abusive ways.