Do you feel confused by a narcissist’s texts — one day warm, the next cold? Ever notice how a narcissist’s texts can go from sweet to silent in a heartbeat? In this blog, I break down how narcissists use mixed signals to keep you emotionally hooked and why it’s not love — it’s manipulation.

When you trust the person you are in a relationship with, small things may go unnoticed. However, with a narcissist, you start to feel on edge and lose trust, and this can lead to issues in the relationship.  The narcissist thrives on chaos, and they create situations to make you feel unstable because someone who is unstable is easier to control.  Texting is an easy way for narcissists to control the narrative, while still keeping their distance. 

The mixed signals in texts from the narcissist are one of the many ways they can control. But what do mixed signals from the narcissist look like?

I will categorize the mixed signals into 3 categories: Hot-and-cold messages, Confusing compliments, and Breadcrumbing.  Let’s look at examples of what each of these would look like.

First, hot-and-cold messages are when the narcissist appears to be invested and interested in you but will then disappear.  Each of these examples shows how they create confusion, anxiety, and emotional dependency through inconsistency.

A hot and cold text may say:

 “Good morning❤️” but then be silent for days after you respond.

They will say “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” Then shortly after texting, they say “I just need some space right now.”

The confusing compliments may say:

“You actually look really good today — what’s the occasion?” or “I like this side of you — the calm one.”  These are examples of praise with a hidden criticism.

The narcissist might say compliments that create confusion or obligation through texts that say: “You’re the only one I can tolerate.” Or “No one understands me like you do.”

These confusing, backhanded compliments are one of the narcissist’s favorite ways to keep you unsure of where you stand. They sound flattering on the surface, but there’s always a subtle jab, judgment, or comparison hidden inside.

The last type of text the narcissist might send is the Breadcrumbing text. 

Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic the narcissist uses to string someone along by sprinkling in just enough attention or vague promises to keep them around. 

A breadcrumbing text might say:

“You popped into my head today.” Or “Miss our talks.”  These texts are casual check-ins that keep the door between you and the narcissist open. 

They may also bait you by sending texts which are a test for how you respond. These breadcrumbing baits may say “I had a dream about you last night.” Or “Guess who just drove past your street?”

Breadcrumbing texts usually come after you’ve gone silent, pulled away, or you’ve started to move on.

So, why do narcissists send you mixed signals in text? The narcissist thrives on control and feeling like they are the center of attention.  The narcissist uses the texts as a form of intermittent reinforcement.  You know it’s possible to hear from the narcissist and for them to say something nice to you, so you wait for the next positive thing, even if there is bad mixed in. These mixed signals texts keep you chasing validation.  You’re always trying to get back to the version of them who seemed caring. This becomes a push-pull dynamic where they pull away, you chase them, and when they give a little, it feels like a reward.

This push-pull dynamic, or intermittent reinforcement, keeps you trapped.  You start to over-analyze every word.  You excuse bad behavior because you know the good moments exist.  And narcissists are master manipulators who will exploit this confusion they have carefully crafted. As long as you are confused, you are focused inward on yourself and not on them. 

The mixed signal texts make you want to respond. You may want to let them know you are thinking of them as well or answer their question about why you look nice today.    These are all forms of baiting, and the narcissist isn’t randomly sending the texts or has suddenly developed the ability to think of others over themselves.  They have thought through the text they want to send and their text will always have an agenda. 

You want to learn to break the cycle of always wanting more from the narcissist. Don’t try to read between the lines — take their inconsistency at face value.  Limit engagement or go no contact if possible. Reconnect with reality and remember that consistent communication should create respect and not confusion.