When you interact with a narcissist, you might feel like you are the target of all the jokes and there is frequent belittling. Every now and then, however, you get something that sounds like it could be a compliment but in reality, it is anything but a compliment. The narcissist can’t give out positive statements because then it will make you feel like you have accomplished something and done well at something, and the narcissist can’t consider you as better than them in any way. The problem is the insults from narcissists are often underhanded and even disguised as compliments as a way to gaslight and keep you guessing. The narcissist is a master of words and knows exactly what to say to you to ensure you never really feel good about yourself, and are always ready to be manipulated and controlled. So how can you best prepare yourself from the narcissist insults?
Today, I will go over some insults you might hear from a narcissist. This will allow you to better be able to listen to these statements and see them for what they are. The best way to manage a narcissist is to stay one step ahead, and by understanding how a narcissist operates will help you gain the upper hand.
Insults from narcissists can come in the form of sarcasm. They are an underhanded compliment that keeps you guessing on the true intent. Problem is, if you become upset, or ask the narcissist for their intentions behind the statement, they will blame shift and call you crazy or too sensitive, never really addressing the issue.
The insult might also appear to be a compliment, that then transitions into an insult. However, because it started as a compliment it is all the more confusing.
I will provide just a small sample of insults from narcissists you might hear. It is not possible to cover all insults, however, hopefully these examples will help you understand what the insult looks like. If someone said to you “You are stupid”, that is an obvious insult and those won’t be covered today. Instead, I will focus on the underhanded insults that are less obvious but a favorite of the narcissist as they enjoy gaslighting and keeping you a little off-balance.
1. That dress is nice on you, my ex used to wear something similar and it fit her better than it fits you though.
2. Yes, you did get into college, but lots of people get into college every year.
3. You will never be as good as my sister but that’s ok, you did the best you could.
4. No, you’re not stupid, you just weren’t raised in a good family and don’t know any better.
5. My friend said you will never get that job you really want but I know you will because everyone is hiring right now and they will take whoever they can get.
6. I know you tried your best with dinner, but cooking is just something you will never be good at.
7. I like your perfume, you seemed to have used the whole bottle to smell good.
What you notice about each of these examples, is on the surface they seem to be positive and possible compliments. However, if you look deeper, you can tell that they are anything but positive. They are meant to keep you uncertain about the intent and your choices, with just enough lack of clarity on whether the narcissist meant to be rude and demeaning or it just came off that way. With this possibility of misunderstanding on your part, you believe that maybe you did misread the narcissist and consider you were wrong in your assessments. To the narcissist, their gaslighting has worked and they can keep the upper hand. If you know the narcissist has insulted you, it is best to ignore them most times because they aren’t open to discussions on how you feel or what they could do differently. What you can do is not show it has affected you and work to not take it personally. The narcissist isn’t actually insulting you, but protecting against their fragile ego as a way to prevent narcissist injury. The narcissist is focused inward and on themselves and really doesn’t care or consider how their words affect you.
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