Why do narcissists suddenly pop back up around the holidays… right when you’re finally healing? It’s not an accident — it’s a strategy. Don’t fall for the narcissist’s holiday hoover. Today, I will discuss how they pull people back in right as you are finally pulling away. Holiday hoovering is just manipulation wrapped in cheer.

The narcissist is predictable.  They all have fragile egos, unstable senses of self, and are at risk of narcissistic collapse as soon as they think others don’t see them as the superior person they want you to believe they are.  Because of this predictability, there are 3 reasons why they reach out during holidays.

The first reason is loneliness hits their ego.  They don’t feel lonely in the same way that someone who is empathetic feels loneliness.  They don’t really feel lonely, they actually start to feel irrelevant.  The narcissist must always believe everyone is always thinking about them.  When they believe they are no longer in your thoughts, they reach out to become relevant again. 

A second reason they reach out during the holidays is they need validation during a low-supply season.  The holidays make them crave control, admiration, and attention.  They see those around them getting gifts and well wishes and they can feel less like the center of attention, which can lead to a decline in their supply tank. 

And the third reason I will go over as to why narcissists reach out during the holidays is for image management.  When they can make an appearance over the holidays in holiday photos and family events, they can look like the “good person” who is part of the family. 

Now that we know WHY they reach out, what are some of the most common ways they will try to slither their way back into your life? Let’s discuss 5 of the most common holiday hoover tactics. 

The first is the ‘Merry Christmas 🙂’ text.  This text is short, sweet, and calculated to reopen communication. 

They may also choose to use Memory Lane Hoovering. This is meant to make an emotional connection with you and have you remember the good times.  They may text “Remember our last Christmas together?” This text plays on your hope that things can work, which is what left you in the relationship so long to begin with.

Another hoover you may receive from them is the Emergency or Crisis Hoovering text. This is where they create a dramatic situation to pull you back in.  Again, they are targeting your emotions and empathy. 

If they used love bombing in the relationship, they may use Gift Hoovering. They want to send presents or money to create obligation or guilt. 

And lastly, they may choose the  ‘I’ve changed’ Hoover.  This technique requires them to take false responsibility for something but if this has worked in the past with you, then they will choose this option.  This hoover looks like promises, apologies, and fake personal growth.  As you can expect, none of these are meant to be long-lasting.  They only need to claim they have changed until you take them back.

Everything with the narcissist is calculated. They may seem as if they don’t care about you, but they are closely watching you to see how best to manipulate you.  They know exactly what your likes and wants are but they don’t gather that information to make you happy, they want to have that information so they can use it to their advantage.

So, if the narcissist doesn’t hoover during the holidays because they want to make you happy, what does their hoovering really mean?

It’s not about missing you, it's about missing what you gave them. They want access to your emotions, attention, stability, or empathy.  They are also checking in to see if you’re still available as a supply source. They always need ready sources of supply and they want to have options available.  One way they see if you still meet the qualifications as a supply source is by testing your boundaries for the new year.

As always, you must be an advocate for yourself when it comes to the narcissist. Don’t expect the narcissist to change or to start caring about you.  You can do these 4 things to protect yourself from the narcissist and their holiday hoover. 

First, Don’t respond immediately — pause.  Emotional distance helps you stay grounded.

Second, Ask: ‘What are their patterns?’ Look at the history, not the holiday sentiment.

Third, Reaffirm boundaries. Even silence is a boundary. You don’t owe the narcissist your time or a response even if they have reached out to you.  

And last, Focus on your support system. Lean on real connections, not manipulative ones.

Holiday hoovering isn’t love — it’s manipulation dressed up as sentiment. The more you understand the pattern, the easier it is to stay free.