I have recently received a comment on the similarities and differences between breadcrumbing and future faking.  It was a great question and I wanted to discuss this topic in more detail today.  I will also discuss how narcissists use breadcrumbing in their future faking.

To start with, let’s review what breadcrumbing and future faking are. 

First, let’s talk about breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough information to keep you interested and wanting more information. They leave you little tidbits of information that keep you hopeful for more.  When a person breadcrumbs, they are stringing you along to keep you interested so that you come back for more.   This could be through more information or more attention.  The goal of the breadcrumber is to keep you hooked and not turning away to someone or something else.  The person leaving the breadcrumbs gives you just enough hope that they are interested in you, but then backs away, only to come back again in the future.  Despite the numerous breadcrumbs the person leaves, they have no intention of following through.

A breadcrumb might be a text when they haven’t texted you in a while or asking to get together with you.  The person leaving the breadcrumbs knows this is something you want, so they string you along, but only for the benefit of keeping you around and not because they want to do anything with you.

Now for future faking. The narcissist needs to keep you in their control so that you are more easily manipulated.   The narcissist is acutely aware of your likes and dislikes and will collect this information to use when they need to. When their narcissistic supply is running low, they will focus on your dislikes and point out your flaws so that they can feel better about themselves. If they think you are pulling away and they want to keep you close, they use love bombing by providing you with hope for your future.  The narcissist will future fake to promise something in the future as a way to get what they want right now.

The only way the narcissist can effectively future fake is by closely watching you and knowing what you want.  They may seem distant in the relationship, but they know everything about you.  You are their prey, and they need to be ready to attack at any moment. The promises of something bigger and better in the future is how the narcissist makes you feel wanted.  The false promises are based on things you do desire because the narcissist is always aware of what you need. 

By understanding breadcrumbing and future faking, you can better understand how the breadcrumbs are a set up for the future fake.  The narcissist places breadcrumbs in the relationship to make you think they are interested.  The breadcrumbs are usually things you do actually want so you maintain hope that you might receive them.  Then these breadcrumbs become the basis for the fake future the narcissist promises. 

The future faking is based on breadcrumbs, but future faking is slightly more involved.

When a narcissist future fakes, they are directly targeting your own goals and dreams as a way to keep you involved and to appear more invested in you so that they can control you. Future faking happens a lot in the love bombing stage. The narcissist promises a future that they never intend to create with you. They promise as a way to keep control over the interactions. Breadcrumbs are little everyday things a narcissist uses to keep you around and future faking is when they up their game of control and manipulation to promise bigger things if they think they are losing you. 

As with most things with the narcissist, their reality is manipulated to support their own wants and needs.  They don’t consider how their actions affect others, and they are inward focused and only concerned for their own well-being.  The breadcrumbs left by the narcissist and the future faking they promise are based on what will keep their narcissistic supply at the fullest, and they don’t care how much their failure to follow through affects you.  And if you call out a narcissist on their failure to follow through, they will gaslight you.  When you interact with a narcissist you are always in a losing position because the rules of their game of control and manipulation were never meant to be fair.  And to suggest otherwise means you are the problem and not them.  Look at the big picture and don’t get sucked into the moment.  Have they followed through on their promises in the past or is this just another time where they can conveniently promise you the world because they need something from you?