When a narcissist collapses, most people think the chaos is over. It’s not. Collapse is often the moment they become the most dangerous because they’ve lost control, and now they’re deciding how to get it back… or how to punish you for taking it.

In this blog, you’ll learn exactly what happens after a narcissist collapses, why escalation, hoovering, and smear campaigns show up, and how to protect yourself so you don’t get pulled back in and can finally regain control of your life.

A narcissist collapse isn’t growth; it’s a loss of control. And once that control is gone, what comes next is predictable. This is not a healing moment for them; it’s a threat response. And most people get pulled back in during one of these without realizing it.

There are 3 Phases the narcissist moves through after the collapse: Escalation, Hoovering, and the Smear Campaign.  Let’s go over each of these phases so you know what they look like, and can prepare yourself against this last-ditch effort from the narcissist.

During Phase 1, Escalation, this is the Control Recovery Mode phase.  During escalation, the narcissist is scrambling to save themselves from further decline.  During the escalation phase, there is increased anger or sudden cruelty.  Boundary violations are intensifying. They increase their use of emotional pressure, guilt, or panic-inducing behavior.  And finally, they test how much access they still have to you. 

Remember, the collapse happened because they have run out of narcissistic supply, which is their buffer that allows them to manage in a world which they always feel on the defensive in. 

When control is gone, intensity becomes the substitute. They’re not reacting to your behavior; they’re reacting to their loss of dominance. Although it feels personal, remember it is about them and not you. 

During Phase 2, Hoovering, they’ll say or do whatever it takes to pull you back: apologies, promises, love-bombing, even crises. And when one tactic doesn’t work, they quickly switch to another one. Hoovering isn’t about repair, it’s about reattachment. And if hoovering fails, the strategy often turns darker. 

Now for Phase 3, the Smear Campaign.  During the smear campaign, the narcissist is trying to change the narrative.  You have gone off script for the narrative they wrote for you in their carefully scripted life, and they need you back on track.   When you don’t comply through their use of the other techniques, they will smear you through the assistance of others. 

The purpose of the smear campaign is to regain power by controlling the story.  When they can preemptively discredit you, they can punish you socially and emotionally.

When the narcissist is engaging in the smear campaign, they are playing the victim, use subtle character assassination, and recruit others as “witnesses” to their new story.  All of this is done to rewrite history.  They need others to believe the story they intended and not the one you are telling or living out. The smear isn’t proof you were wrong; it’s proof they lost access. 

You don’t need to win this, you just need to stop participating.

After the narcissist collapses, the narcissist is in survival mode, and they don’t care who they take down with them.  They will do and say anything to protect themselves, with no concern for you or anyone else.  During this time, it is very important for you to protect yourself and not get drawn into their downward spiral.  As soon as you respond in the way they need you to, you have refilled their supply tank, and this allows them to be more aggressive in their control and manipulation.

You don’t have to confront this, you just have to stop feeding it. There are three ways people protect themselves during this phase.

When possible, the best choice is no contact.  When you go no contact, this means you cut off all contact with the narcissist.  By removing contact, you eliminate emotional leverage and this stops new supply being provided to the narcissist. It also protects your nervous system recovery. 

If no contact isn’t an option for you, grey rock is the next best tool.  With the grey rock technique, you still interact with the narcissist but as minimally as possible.  This is where you use minimal emotion, provide no explanations, don’t defend yourself, and provide no engagement when they try to bait you. 

And the 3rd step is Do Not Correct the Narrative. This one is hard because you don’t want to sit back and accept the lies the narcissist is saying to you and about you.  But, defending yourself fuels the smear, and silence removes oxygen from the fire. Your job is not to convince them, it’s to disengage.

The goal through all of this is to reach the point of the Final Discard. The final discard sounds harsh, but it’s often the first real moment of freedom.  This is where you serve no further value or purpose to the narcissist, so they move onto someone else.  They have discarded you for good.  The final discard can be painful, but it is necessary for your own continued healing. 

The goal isn’t to win the argument, expose the truth, or expose them.  The real win is getting your life back.  When you are calm, you remain in control.  This emotional detachment restores autonomy. 

 When you stay regulated, calm, and disengaged, the narcissist loses their power, and you permanently reclaim yours.