7 Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (But You Keep Making Excuses)You already know something is off, but you keep finding ways to explain it. You justify their behavior by saying: “They didn’t mean it.”, “They were stressed.”, or “Maybe I’m too sensitive.”  If you constantly have to explain their behavior so it makes sense, that’s the sign. In this video, I’m going to walk you through 7 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist, specifically the signs people talk themselves out of. The signs will be subtle, repeat-pattern signs. And if you’ve ever felt drained for days after dealing with them, I broke that down in another blog. As I go over the signs, remember the relationship with a narcissist can be any interpersonal relationship.  This can show up with a partner, parent, friend, co-worker, or boss. The pattern doesn’t change.

This isn’t about labeling someone after one bad day. This is about chronic patterns. We’re looking at consistent behavioral themes.  Now, let’s talk about 7 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist. 

Sign #1 is You’re Always Defending Yourself. One of the biggest signs you’re dealing with a narcissist is that you are constantly explaining yourself. You explain your tone, your timing, and you explain what you meant. You leave conversations thinking, “That’s not what I was trying to say.” If you regularly feel like you’re walking on eggshells or rehearsing conversations in your head afterward, that’s not normal conflict. That’s destabilization. Healthy relationships don’t require you to defend your character every week.

Sign #2 is They Invalidate Your Feelings Calmly. Another major sign is chronic emotional invalidation. Not yelling. Not screaming. Just calmly telling you your feelings are wrong. They say things such as: “You’re overreacting.” “That never happened.” “You’re too sensitive.” If you’ve ever Googled, “Is this gaslighting?”, this is usually why. Over time, you stop trusting your own emotional reactions.

Sign #3 is You Feel Smaller Around Them. This one is subtle. They make jokes at your expense. They compare you to others. They give compliments that somehow feel like criticism, and you start shrinking. You talk less, you share less, and you dim yourself to avoid becoming a target. If someone consistently makes you feel smaller, that is not motivation. That is erosion.

Sign #4 is Every Argument Somehow Ends with You Apologizing. If you’re always the one apologizing, even when you brought up a legitimate concern, pay attention. You say, “That hurt me.” They respond with, “Wow, so I’m just a terrible person?” Suddenly you’re comforting them, reassuring them, and apologizing for bringing it up. Conflict flips. Accountability disappears. And you walk away feeling guilty for having feelings. That pattern is not accidental.

Let’s look at an example of what this might look like before we finish with the last 3 signs you are dealing with a narcissist. You calmly bring up that they embarrassed you in front of others.  You want to discuss this situation so they can understand why it was hurtful and to discuss other ways they could talk about you in the future. The narcissist immediately goes on the defensive and doesn’t even acknowledge what you said.  Their immediate response isn’t to understand, it’s to defend. They respond with “Wow. So, I’m just the worst person ever?” or “You’re always attacking me.”  Now, you find yourself defending your own actions and concerns while re-assuring them that you never thought they were the worst person ever and that you weren’t attacking them.  That shift? That’s not accidental. 

This leads us into Sign #5 which is They Are Charming in Public and Different in Private. A lot of people search: “Why does no one see what I see?” Because in public, they’re charismatic, helpful, and engaging. But in private? They become cold, dismissive, and withdrawn. So, when you try to explain what’s happening, people doubt you. And eventually, you doubt yourself. That split between public image and private behavior is a hallmark pattern.

Sign #6 is You Are Waiting for the Good Version to Come Back. This is the love-bombing cycle. In the beginning, they were attentive, connected, and all in. Now you get small glimpses of that person, just enough to keep you hoping. So, you think, “If I just communicate better… if I just don’t trigger them…” You’re not attached to who they are now. You’re attached to who they were at the start. You’re chasing potential instead of facing reality.

And Sign #7 is You Feel Drained After Interacting With Them. And this is the one most people ignore. You’re not in a screaming match every day. There’s no dramatic event. But after you talk to them, you feel exhausted. You replay conversations. You analyze tone.
You question yourself. And sometimes that emotional drain lasts for days. That kind of depletion is not normal relationship stress. It comes from chronic psychological pressure. And if that specific sign resonates with you, that deep exhaustion after contact, I broke that down in a separate blog because there’s a very specific reason that happens. 

If you recognized more than one of these, especially repeatedly, you’re looking at a pattern. The biggest sign isn’t just their behavior. It’s how much you have to mentally adjust to tolerate it.