Interacting with a narcissist is frustrating! You must put up with their insults, being ignored, gaslighting, and lies. The lies can be some of the most devastating part of dealing with a narcissist because this is the ultimate betrayal of any trust you have put into them and the relationship. The narcissist will lie about anything, big or small, seemingly important, or not important. The narcissist doesn’t care what they lie about. They live with the philosophy of denying everything and admitting nothing! So why do narcissists lie so much?
With a narcissist, the evidence can be right there in front of them, and they will lie when asked about it. It can feel like you are interacting with a 2 year old who has chocolate all over their mouth, but will lie about eating the candy. It’s cute when they are 2 and infuriating when it is the narcissist. How can the narcissist continue to deny when all of the evidence points to their fault?
Narcissists lie for many different reasons, but the bottom line is they lie to protect themselves. They have no concern for who they affect in the process of their lies. They only care about the least number of negative outcomes for themselves.
One reason the narcissist lies is to maintain their fantasy world they created. The narcissist wants to be seen as superior; however, they rarely have actual accomplishments to warrant this belief. This is where lying is necessary. The narcissist will exaggerate their achievements and talents, but in the absence of something to show for this, they have nothing tangible to support what they say. The only way to maintain this image when confronted with reality is to lie. Even when presented with evidence to the contrary, the narcissist will maintain their lie. You may know they are lying but the narcissist maintains that you are wrong and they deny it. They may even blame shift in an attempt to get the focus off them and onto everyone else.
The narcissist will also lie because they can’t be seen as flawed in any way. They are not ok with being “average”. The narcissist is arrogant and haughty. They come off as conceited and boastful. No one will ever be as good as them in their eyes. Flawless people don’t make mistakes so to accuse them of such is unacceptable to the narcissist. You will always be mistaken in your belief that they have done something wrong, even if by accident.
The narcissist is always on the defensive. They have fragile egos and unstable senses of self that they must constantly protect against narcissistic injury. The blame shifting is not about covering their lie as much as protecting themselves. They have built a wall of defense around them and when there is something to suggest a person has found a crack in their wall, they attack. They must quickly react to keep people at a distance. The lie buys them time and is the best way to not have to re-work the false sense of self they created.
The narcissist is a persona. A false self that has been carefully manufactured by the narcissist. They choose their words, actions, and appearances with great care and work their entire life ensuring those around them see them the way they want to be seen. It is all an act, but the narcissist will forever be the lead in the fantasy they created. No one else can take that from them and attempts to dethrone them from their well-crafted fake self will be met with narcissistic rage. You will always be the problem and the reason for things not going as planned. The narcissist is unwilling to consider otherwise.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.