Have you finally rid yourself of the narcissist that was in your life, but you can’t stop thinking about them and what they are doing? Do you find yourself looking up their profile on social media? Who is their new supply and why are they with them? Is their new supply better than you? These questions are often asked by people who have left a narcissist. On one hand you are happy to be out of the relationship, but on the other hand you wonder how they could look so happy with their new supply. And most importantly, why does the narcissist seem to treat the new supply better?
After you have broken up with the narcissist you are curious who they have decided to date after you. You search social media, or hear from friends, that they have already found someone new. This can be frustrating! How did they move on so fast from your relationship? It is likely the narcissist had already been talking to and grooming this person to be their next partner before you two were even separated.
The narcissist needs others to boost their ego and feed their feelings of grandiosity and superiority. They would not be willing to have a gap in people who serve that role, so they look for a new supply even while they are still with their old partner. The narcissist remains with their ex as long as possible so they can extract as much of the supply from them that they can.
As you search their social media you find pictures of them and their new partner seemingly happy together. The narcissist is posting they have finally found “the one” and the new supply can’t stop gushing how great the narcissist is.
While it is easy to get wrapped up in the outward appearance of what you see, if you step back and look objectively at this situation, none of this is surprising or out of the ordinary. This is exactly how the narcissist treated you when you two met! They love bombed, manipulated, and idealized you as a way to boost your belief in the relationship, while they were able to increase their own feelings of grandiosity and superiority.
The narcissist isn’t treating the new supply any different than they treated you in the beginning. It just hurts because you remember those good times with the narcissist and why you fell for them to begin with. If only they were still that person then you two would still be together and they would not be with a new supply. Stop fooling yourself! This new supply will also be kicked to the curb when they can no longer boost the narcissist’s ego as they want it boosted.
What you need to do is stop torturing yourself with visions of them with their new supply. When you see only the positives that are posted on social media, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that is what all their life is like right now. Remember, the narcissist will only post pictures that supports their feelings of being superior, even if this is not most of the time. They have an image to protect and will ensure that imagine is maintained on social media.
When you think of the narcissist and wonder what they are doing, this creates anxiety. To have this anxiety go away as quick as possible, you look them up on social media. In the moment you feel better, however, now you have new thoughts and images to worry about, and come up with scenarios that only worsen your mood. While it is normal to want to know who your ex is with, this can be damaging when your ex is a narcissist. They want to present themselves one way and will ensure the outside world only sees the version of themselves they have created. The narcissist was able to manipulate your reality when you were in the relationship; don’t let them continue to manipulate your reality now that you are out of the relationship.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.