If you want to understand the narcissist, you need to understand the concept of narcissist supply. The narcissist is completely controlled by their level of supply they have at any given moment, and every decision the narcissist makes is done to preserve their supply. If they start to lose supply, they will change their behaviors to re-inflate the supply lost. Understanding that the narcissist is driven completely by their supply will also help you not take their actions personally. The narcissist is inward-focused and always on the lookout for what will protect their fragile sense of self. When they are mean, they are responding to their waning supply and you are simply a person in their vicinity at that time; however, their actions aren’t actually because of you as a person. Let’s talk today about narcissist supply so you can better understand the narcissist’s way of approaching the world around them.
First, remember the narcissist has an unstable sense of self. An unstable sense of self is when someone is unsure how they think about or perceive themselves. Narcissists struggle with issues of identity. The narcissists’ sense of self is unstable because it is easily influenced by outside factors and small changes in their environment can leave them feeling uneasy and unsure how to function. They lack a strong sense of self so any changes around them can lead to feelings of insecurity and they do not know how to respond to this. For this reason, the narcissist is always on the defensive. In their mind, everything has the potential to be an attack on them, so they are on the defensive to protect against the perceived attacks.
Due to a narcissist’s inability to boost their own self-esteem, and the requirement it comes from outside sources, the narcissist is always on the lookout for people that can provide them with the admiration they so desire. The narcissist supply becomes the person/people that provides these for the narcissist. The supply allows them to boost their self-esteem and to sustain their sense of self, which would otherwise fall apart. For this reason, the narcissist and the supply boundaries become blurred, and the narcissist begins to think about the supply as an extension of themselves.
Love bombing is one way in which the narcissist inflates their waning narcissistic supply through positive ways. Love bombing is when the narcissist makes someone feel special and as if they are the most important person in the narcissist’s life. While love bombing might appear to be about the person the narcissist is being nice to, it is actually about the narcissist. Remember, you must think like a narcissist and remember everything is approached in the context of the narcissist and what they want and need. They are making someone else feel better about themselves because the narcissist needs to lower the other person’s defenses, so they are easier to control in the future. In the moment, the narcissist supply is inflated because they know they are pulling this person into their game of control and manipulation.
But this now well-inflated supply is what the narcissist will use to belittle and control. They have a full supply tank, so they use this renewed energy to put others down. The narcissist feels best when they see others struggle. When they love bomb, it is a set up for them to engage in their controlling ways and not meant to be sustained.
The narcissist supply is always running out. It is like a car using up its gasoline, or even a slow leak in a balloon. The reason the supply is being lost doesn’t matter, simply remember the supply is constantly being lost and that is why the narcissist is always on the lookout for ways to refill their supply. The narcissist will always put themselves first. When they love bomb or behave in ways which appear supportive, it is completely about them and no one else. Don’t get fooled into thinking the narcissist has now changed their ways and cares about you.
Similarly, when the narcissist is on the attack and makes you feel like the problem, it is not about you. I can’t emphasize that enough. It feels very personal because the narcissist makes it personal. But it is about them and no one else. The more they can make you think it is about you, the happier they are. Don’t help them inflate their narcissistic supply. Make them work for finding a way to inflate their supply and don’t become an easy, go-to source for them.