When you think of a narcissist, you likely think of the grandiose narcissist. The narcissist that thinks they are the greatest gift to anyone who comes into contact with them and who can do no wrong. In fact, some of the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder include a grandiose sense of self-importance, believes they are special, requires excessive admiration, and has an arrogant attitude. By definition, the narcissist is someone who presents as over the top and thinks they are superior to everyone else. But does the narcissist always have this inflated ego or is there also a narcissist that has low self-esteem and is less willing to be over the top in their actions?
The narcissist will always think they are better than everyone else. This is the facade they have to maintain to protect against narcissistic injury. At the core, however, they are insecure and have low self-esteem. They must always protect against being found out for the fraud they are. How they do this is different for each narcissist. Some are in your face and let you know how wonderful they are and how you don’t compare to them, while others prefer to stay in the background and not draw attention to themselves. For the narcissist that is more covert in their actions, they are no less damaging to the people around them, they just act in a less outgoing way.
There is some research to suggest the grandiose narcissist has high self-esteem, however, this isn’t accurate. Narcissists have low self esteem and are prone to narcissistic injury because of their inability to regulate their self-esteem on their own. They are constantly being triggered by their environment and must modify their actions to continue to present themselves as all-knowing and competent. The grandiose narcissist has low self-esteem, but is better at pretending like they don’t.
Another type of narcissist is the vulnerable narcissist. The vulnerable narcissist has a fragile sense of self, just as the grandiose narcissist, but they don’t have the same gift of gab to protect against this fragile sense of self and convince people of their greatness. Narcissists are like every other person in the sense that they all have different personalities. Some people are more outgoing while some are more quiet and timid. The vulnerable narcissist is usually the shy and less outgoing person.
The vulnerable narcissist is very sensitive to criticism, but they respond differently than the grandiose narcissist. Criticize the grandiose narcissist and they enter into narcissist rage and work to turn people against you. The vulnerable narcissist, however, is more underhanded in how they respond to criticism. Their self-esteem is hurt in the same way as the grandiose narcissist but they internalize versus act out. They may start a smear campaign and/or tell people how horrible you are, but this will all be behind your back and not with confrontation. The vulnerable narcissist can’t handle confrontation. The vulnerable narcissist may even present as highly anxious. They are uncomfortable around others and appear anxious in social settings.
The vulnerable narcissist still gets angry when things don’t go as they want them to, but they are more likely to blame shift and point fingers at others versus engaging with rage. The manipulation may be more subtle but they are just as controlling as the grandiose narcissist.
Because the vulnerable narcissist is anxious and timid, they present as someone who needs help through life. The empath wants to make things easy for them as they watch them apparently struggle. But be aware! The vulnerable narcissist isn’t looking to be connected or supported by someone. They use others to their advantage just like any other narcissist. You might be more likely to open up to them because they seem shy, but this just provides them with more information to use against you when they start to run low on narcissistic supply. All narcissists are predators who must constantly be on the lookout for the next way to boost their ego. Don’t be baited by the narcissist as they work their game of control and manipulation.