Have you ever upset a narcissist? And when I say upset, this could be anything that the narcissist didn’t want to hear, and they become angry about. When you upset a narcissist, they will most definitely let you know how they feel about this wrong you have enacted against them. You immediately become the enemy and they will unleash their narcissistic punishment tactics against you to show you how wrong you are and how you are the problem. The narcissist may use the silent treatment or narcissistic rage. Either way, the goal of the narcissist is to shut you down so that you no longer have a voice. The narcissist must protect against continued attacks on their already fragile ego, and they do this by ensuring you can provide no further input.
The narcissist has an unstable sense of self. An unstable sense of self is when someone is unsure how they think about or perceive themselves. The narcissists’ sense of self is unstable because it is easily influenced by outside factors and small changes in their environment can leave them feeling uneasy and unsure about how to function. Any changes around them can lead to feelings of insecurity and they do not know how to respond to this.
If you have done something the narcissist believes has targeted them as a person, this activates feelings of shame. Someone with a stable sense of self would be able to recognize that your statement isn’t a reflection of them as a person, or what you always think of them. However, for the narcissist, they can’t make that distinction. Whatever you said or did has attacked them as a person and they don’t know how to recover from this attack you have enacted on them. Of course, you didn’t mean it as an attack on their entire existence, but that is how the narcissist took it. And now that you have attacked their entire being, they want to punish you. This is when the narcissist will open their toolbox of narcissistic punishment tactics and choose the punishment they think you deserve.
Today, I will discuss the nonstop verbal assaults from the narcissist when they are mad. What this looks like is the narcissist on the attack like an angry dog. They keep going at you with a barrage of words, not allowing you to speak. Their tone is likely loud, which is a further intimidation tactic they use. The barrage of words is meant to keep you confused, on the defensive, and with no ability to say what you want to say.
This nonstop verbal assault from the narcissist isn’t designed to be productive in solving the issue. In fact, you likely won’t even know what the narcissist is upset about because they aren’t making it about them and their own issues. The verbal assault very quickly becomes about you. They throw out all accusations they can think of in the moment, and bring up everything wrong you have ever done to them. It is rapid-fire accusations against you. It is natural to want to defend yourself against the accusations and this is exactly how the narcissist wants you to feel. As long as you are placed into a position where you must defend yourself, the actual issue never has to be addressed. However, you can’t actually defend yourself because the narcissist won’t let you speak. You try to say something but your attempts to interrupt their tirade becomes another reason they can justify the verbal assault on you. Once the narcissist has hurled the verbal assaults, there is no chance for anything to be resolved and you start to feel helpless.
This verbal assault has happened because the shame has been activated in the narcissist and they are unstable in that moment. They don’t know how to recover from the feelings of shame, so they resort to what they know best and that is hurting others. In that moment, the narcissist wants you to hurt as much as they hurt. At the same time, they can’t let any more words into their already fragile self because this would further make them feel unstable. This is the very reason why they lash out at you and ensure that you don’t have a chance to speak; and, if you do speak, it is to defend yourself and not say anything additional to them which they will perceive as an attack.
The narcissist is always on the verge of needing to use one of their punishment tactics because they are unstable in the world they are trying to survive in. They are always on the defensive. And if the narcissist doesn’t have enough supply to be able to manage the wrong against them you have committed, they will take it out on you as the fastest way for them to feel better about themselves. The narcissist runs on emotion and not logic, which is why anger is such a prominent part of their life. If you find yourself at the receiving end of the nonstop verbal assaults from the narcissist, take a step back and don’t let your own emotions get activated. This will only result in you being pulled into the crazy-making of the narcissist and it is harder to step away.