Many of the videos and blogs on narcissists you may have seen discuss the narcissistic partner. However, the narcissist doesn’t change across interactions with others and remains a narcissist in all settings. They may modify who they act out their narcissistic traits to, but they are still a narcissist. One place where you may have interacted with a narcissist is in the work setting and today, I will discuss narcissists as co-workers.
What does a narcissist co-worker look like and how do you know if you are interacting with a narcissist? This is an important question to ask and have answers to because if you can identify someone with narcissistic traits in the work setting, you can save yourself a lot of energy and focus on what you may be doing wrong and should change, and appropriately place the responsibility on the narcissist.
The narcissist at work isn’t any different from the narcissist at home as a parent, sibling, or partner. The basic traits of a narcissist are grandiose sense of self, arrogance, being self-centered, and believing they are better than everyone else. These traits can be especially frustrating in the work setting where you are trying to work as a team while the narcissist is sabotaging all efforts. The narcissist may also take credit for the hard work you put into a task at work, while not only minimizing your role but actively sabotaging what people think of you and your efforts.
So how do you spot a narcissist as a co-worker?
One way a narcissist co-worker might act is by wanting to be the center of attention. Many narcissists need to present themselves as all-knowing and superior to maintain their image of superiority. They will step on anyone in the process of being the center of attention. The narcissist who is trying to gain attention from others will speak highly of alleged accomplishments and name drop when it will benefit them. The accomplishments don’t actually have to happen. The narcissist just needs you to believe they did, and that they were the reason for the success.
This leads into another trait of a narcissist co-worker which is they act like they are better than everyone else. They put down others’ accomplishments and turn discussions about successes to them. They believe they are better than everyone else and present themselves with this belief. Again, there doesn’t have to be actual evidence they are better than everyone else. The narcissist just must pretend they are. If someone begins to see their words are empty and there are no actions to support their statements, the narcissist will shun them and start to talk negatively about this person to get the spotlight off of them. The narcissist can easily do this because of their lack of empathy and inability to understand how their actions affect others.
The narcissist co-worker must use others to feel better about themselves and they do this by spreading gossip and pushing buttons in the work setting. They like to see people feel uncomfortable because it helps boost their narcissistic supply, but also becomes something they can further target in the work setting around others. They may push buttons openly or behind closed doors. Either way, the goal of the narcissist is to upset their co-workers so their co-worker can be seen as the emotional or unstable one. The narcissist will perpetuate this negative view of someone so that other people in the office will think negatively of them. This will help the narcissist, who seemingly provides so much to the team, further be seen as an asset to the office.
If you have a co-worker who is a narcissist, it is best to disengage in all interactions with them if possible. They don’t have your best interest in mind and only use you to boost others’ views of themselves in the work setting. You don’t want to play the same game as the narcissist and speak negatively about them. If the narcissist already has people on their side, then you will likely not be heard, and this will just be something the narcissist can twist in their favor. Never let the narcissist speak with you privately and always bring a witness. If you think your co-worker is a narcissist, remember their sole goal is to ensure they are seen as the superior, all-knowing person in the work setting and they will do anything to make people believe that. Their lack of empathy makes it easy for them to turn on you, and others. Instead of working to unravel the lies they have told others, document what is happening so that you have proof and discuss it with your bosses when you feel the time is right.