When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be draining.  Some days might be awesome but most of the days are disappointing and frustrating.  You hope so much for things to be better and different, but they never seem to change for the better for an extended period of time.   Relationships with narcissists are toxic because they are abusive.  The narcissist uses all of their narcissistic punishment tactics to remain in control over you and this creates emotionally abusive situations that you are forced to endure as a result of the narcissist’s insecurities.  Whether you make the decision to stay with the narcissist, or to leave, there is no question you will likely experience the long-term impact of narcissistic abuse.  What are some long-term impacts of years of abuse from a narcissist?

Much of narcissist abuse is emotional abuse.  While there can also be physical abuse, I will focus on the effects of emotional abuse today.  Forms of emotional abuse used by the narcissist include gaslighting, belittling, name calling, and blame-shifting.  The narcissist not only makes you think you are crazy through their gaslighting, but they also then blame shift when you do bring up actual issues and then name call and belittle if you continue to want to discuss things they don’t want to discuss.  Being with a narcissist is dizzying and the longer you interact with them, the more of yourself you lose.  The narcissist sucks all life out of you, and you become a core of who you were before you met the narcissist.

So, what exactly are some of the long-term impacts of narcissistic abuse?

An early symptom of abuse from a narcissist is anxiety.  You never know what is real and what isn’t.  You question your own thoughts and feelings, and you start to always feel on edge.  This is only made worse by the narcissist’s unpredictable responses.  One moment they are enjoying your company, and the next moment they are engaging in narcissistic rage.  You start to feel like you are walking on eggshells and every move you make can set off the narcissist. You start to feel more and more anxious.  This becomes a long-term effect of narcissist abuse because anxiety is very easily reinforced, meaning that anxiety will start to attach to other things in your life and you find that most anything now makes you anxious.  You are not only on edge with the narcissist, but also your friends and family. You find that you snap easier at people and have lower patience.  This is all a result of the abuse from the narcissist and an increase in anxiety.

You also start to experience a loss of self-esteem and self-worth.  The narcissist has spent months, or even years, calling you names, pointing out your flaws, blaming you for everything wrong in the relationship, and never taking responsibility for their actions.  At first you know they are wrong, and you don’t believe everything they say.  However, over time you question if they are right about what they say to you.  Even if you don’t believe their words, it is still draining to always be met with negative comments about you as a person, and your appearance.  No matter who you are or how strong you are, over time you will lose trust in yourself, and this erodes away your self-esteem and self-worth. 

This loss of self-esteem and self-worth then leads to depression.  You start to find that you can do nothing right and hear everyday how all of the problems are your fault. You feel worthless and may even question the purpose of living at this point.  As you start to feel more depressed, and anxious, you isolate yourself from those who care about you, which only worsens your depression.

You might also start to experience physical symptoms. You notice you are experiencing an upset stomach, changes in digestion or bowel movements, heartburn, and fatigue.  You also start to lose sleep and can’t get a good night’s rest, which makes you feel more anxious and depressed.  There may be an increase in muscle tension or pain that is more prominent and doesn’t go away.  The emotional abuse starts to have effects on your mind and body.  

Even if you can break free from the narcissist, those symptoms I mentioned don’t just go away.  They have become a part of your identity, unfortunately, and there is a healing process that occurs once you are able to step out of the abuse cycle.  The length of time this takes varies from person to person but do know that you can heal from narcissistic abuse.  This will be easier if you have a support system, and cut all contact with the narcissist.  The narcissist doesn’t want to see you get better so they will prevent this where they can.  As you get more independent and stronger, the narcissist sees this as a threat and will move back into their narcissistic abuse tactics again.  Don’t allow them this opportunity.  There are few situations where you can’t fully cut contact with the narcissist.  If you can never look back after leaving the narcissist, that will be the best long-term approach for you to take.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth regaining your self-esteem, trust, and hope for the future.