The narcissist likes to call the shots. They decide how things work in the relationship and how you should behave.  Once you have left the narcissist and moved on, how does the narcissist feel? Today, when I refer to relationships, this can be any form of a relationship, to include familial, friendship, dating, or occupational.  The context of the relationship doesn’t matter, and the same information will apply.  I will refer to a dating relationship for ease of conversation but remember that this information applies to any relationship in which the other person is a narcissist.  

The answer to the question on how a narcissist feels once you move on depends on whether you are asking how the narcissist makes you think they feel when they interact with you, directly or indirectly, after you have moved on, versus how the narcissist actually feels.  As you likely know, the narcissist has many faces.  They have the face they wear when they are trying to hide their insecurities and low self-worth, and the face they wear when they need to bring you down as a way to boost themselves up.  Because these are two very different versions of the same narcissist, I will discuss both.

First, let’s start with the version of the narcissist that they want you to see.  Once you have moved on, the narcissist will do everything they can to show that they too have moved on. They will post pictures of them doing things they enjoy, and will include pictures of their new partner if they have one.  The goal of the narcissist at this point is to make you think their life is better without you.  They would never let you see if they were unhappy with you two no longer being together, so they will do whatever they can to create an image of happiness.

Remember, the narcissist lives in a fantasy world they have created.  This was true when you were together and remains true even after you are no longer together. They want to give this image of perfection and that they are not flawed in any way.  They must keep this image up after you have left and they will present themselves to you in the way they think will hurt you the most. As the narcissist presents this image that they are doing well and are happy without you, they hope you are miserable now that you are no longer together.  They craft a story in their head on how you likely want them back because they were the best thing that ever happened to you. They must believe this story to prevent looking inward on who they really are and that you left them because of their narcissistic abuse. 

So, now to discuss how the narcissist actually feels after realizing you have moved on.  Remember, the narcissist didn’t care about you when you were together, and they will continue to not care about you after you are no longer together.  The narcissist thinks only of themselves and no one else. So, the narcissist definitely doesn’t experience regret after you move on.  They don’t start to become this inward-looking person who begins to consider what they did to result in the relationship ending and you being able to be happy without them.  The narcissist doesn’t consider what they could have done differently to still be in a relationship with you.  That would consider you as a person and they are unable to do this. 

Instead, the narcissist starts to become unstable and unpredictable.  They must look for new sources of narcissistic supply since you are no longer in their life.  They can no longer love bomb or devalue you as a way to inflate their narcissistic supply.  They are faced with who they really are as a person and every way in which they are flawed.  The narcissist has spent a lifetime not looking inward at risk of experiencing shame, and now that you have moved on, they become more unstable in their already poor sense of self.  However, none of this would they admit to you, or themselves.  They just work to concoct a new lie about how you are the enemy and how you are wrong in all of the choices you made.  The narcissistic abuse towards you continues, but you are no longer there to be a recipient of the abuse.

The narcissist will do everything they can to not feel any negative emotions and will work to prevent shame and narcissistic injury. How the narcissist feels once you move on is ever changing and you never know what they are actually thinking or feeling.  When you were in a relationship with the narcissist, each day was unpredictable. You never knew what they were thinking or how they would react.  It is understandable now that you are no longer together that you wonder how they are feeling, but don’t spend time asking yourself this question and wondering what they might be doing.  The narcissist is out of your life and you have moved on.  Don’t look backwards.