The narcissist is always looking for sources of supply to help keep them from a narcissist collapse. The supply can be anything in the narcissist’s life and is chosen by the narcissist and no one else. The supply can be temporary, and is discarded if the narcissist feels they are no longer getting a benefit from the supply. I have discussed what the supply is in other blogs, so check those out for more information on the supply. Today, I want to discuss one source of supply for the narcissist and that is the golden child.
The golden child is considered to be the special child who has been assigned by the narcissist as the face of the family in everything positive. The golden child is expected to be successful in all they do and to always present the family as flawless and put together. The golden child is the child who helps affirm the narcissist’s belief that they are superior and all knowing. The golden child possesses the qualities the narcissist themselves wishes they had. Remember, while the narcissist presents as all-knowing and confident, this is a façade and it is difficult to maintain this façade indefinitely. So, they rely on others to do the work for them, and this is why the golden child is assigned.
The golden child has been selected by the narcissist because this child allows the narcissist to live their lives through someone they think best represents them. One of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder is they believe that they are special and can only be understood by and associate with others they see as special. This is why the golden child is needed. The narcissist needs to surround themselves with as many people as possible to help them feel special and unique. And when this person is their child, it is easier for the narcissist to control how they act. The narcissist can more readily apply their love, and punishment, to the child as a way to manipulate the child.
Because the narcissist uses the golden child to help boost their ego, and stabilize their fragile sense of self, the golden child can be considered a source of supply for the narcissist. When the narcissist is no longer able to manage their feelings of low self-esteem and feels vulnerable to those around them, they will then use the golden child as a source of supply. When the golden child is used as a source of supply, it can be through positive and negative ways. The narcissist will do whatever they need to boost their narcissistic supply at that moment. Sometimes this can be through pumping the golden child up and helping the child feel better about themselves, and other times it can be putting the child down because the narcissist needs to ensure they are in the power position over the child. No one can predict how the narcissist will use the golden child because it is dependent on what the narcissist needs at that moment.
And because the golden child is a source of supply for the narcissist, the golden child often feels like they are never enough. What made the narcissist happy and caused them to treat them positively one day can be the very thing that angers them the next day. The golden child likes to please, which is why they were selected for the role of golden child, so they try harder when the narcissist is upset with them. The problem is, the issue isn’t with the golden child and what they didn’t do well enough. The golden child then becomes stuck in a cycle of trying to please while constantly disappointing.
The golden child is oftentimes stuck in the role they were picked for but didn’t choose. Their narcissist parent has made them the golden child and stepping down from that role is often not an option. They are the ultimate pawn in the narcissist game of control and manipulation. Those around the golden child might also blame them for being picked as the favorite or think they influenced being selected as that role. This can lead to isolation from those who could be a support for them when they are constantly feeling like a failure with the narcissist. If you know someone who has been selected as the golden child and is playing the role the narcissist has assigned them, try to find ways to be supportive, even if they appear to be enjoying the role they have assigned. Sometimes people exist in survival mode as a way to not create more issues and that is often what happens with the golden child.