The narcissist is always in defensive mode to protect their fragile senses of self. They are constantly at the mercy of the world around them and must control everything and everyone to predict their environment as much as possible. The narcissist has an unstable sense of self and is reactive to what is happening at any given moment. They can’t hold positive and negative in their mind at the same time, and this is why they seem to shift between positive and negative emotions and behaviors so quickly. They are unpredictable because you never know what version of the narcissist you will get. However, at the same time they are predictable in the sense that you know the narcissist is always changing between being happy with you and then mad at you.
Because the narcissist has an unstable sense of self and is reactive to the world around them, they must find ways to keep a constant source of supply in their lives to serve as the buffer to the world they are always feeling defensive in. The narcissist supply is something outside of the narcissist which helps them feel better about themselves since they can’t do it themselves. The supply can be a person or object. While they may come off as competent and confident, this is an act they put on. To avoid being exposed for who they are, the narcissist must always have a new supply ready to boost their ego.
If you have done research on the narcissist, then you have likely seen a lot of information on the narcissist supply. And you may wonder if narcissists always need a supply. The answer to that is yes, the narcissist will always need a source of supply at the ready. In fact, they need multiple sources of supply available to them. If they can’t get their needed boost to their ego from one supply, they need others at the ready who can serve that role.
The narcissist must always be on the look-out for a new supply because their supply tank is always being drained. It is like gas in a car; the more you use it the more gas you need. For the narcissist, their supply is being used up just by living. This means their supply is always going out, so they need to refill it constantly. This can be done through small things everyday, or big events that refill their supply all at once. Either way, the narcissist must have a supply tank that is full enough for them to interact with their environment or else they expose themselves to narcissistic injury. The narcissist is highly vulnerable to shame which leads to narcissistic injury and then narcissistic rage. To set a buffer against this narcissistic injury, they must keep their supply tank as full as possible at all times.
And if the narcissist runs out of supply, they will collapse. The narcissist collapse occurs when they no longer have the ability to present themselves as the all-knowing, confident, competent person they have tried to convince the world they are. The narcissistic ego is a façade they put on to not only fool themselves, but those around them. I have mentioned how the narcissist is always on the defensive, looking for when they will be found out for the fraud they are. The collapse occurs when all of their defensive tactics fail and they must face the world for who they really are; without the buffer of a narcissistic supply to protect them.
During the period in which their supply is draining and they are at risk of collapse, the narcissist will increase their narcissistic manipulation and punishment tactics. They will gaslight, name call, belittle, rage, give you the silent treatment, and may even discard you. All of these are done in a frantic effort to regain some control over their lives.
The narcissist collapse happens when they run out of narcissist supply. They are truly running on empty with no available resources to help protect them from the world around them. And once a narcissist collapses, they are almost always unable to recover.
So, when you consider the question of whether a narcissist always needs supply, the answer is absolutely yes. The supply is a part of the narcissist and without the supply the narcissist can’t protect against feelings of shame and narcissistic injury. Their unstable senses of self become more evident and they fall apart. While a narcissist with a fully inflated supply is difficult enough to be around, a narcissist with a waning, or absent, supply is even more damaging to those around them. When they start to run low on supply they enter panic mode and haphazardly pull from all of their available narcissistic punishment tactics. They become more unpredictable and meaner. Unfortunately, when there is a narcissist in your life, you become someone they use and abuse in order to refill their narcissistic supply and there are few ways to not serve in this role with the narcissist.