Narcissists don’t like when people feel safe and secure. They like to create chaos and uncertainty in people’s lives, so they feel crazy and unsure of themselves. The narcissist plays this cruel came of crazy making to feel in control. The narcissist might want to come off as confident and all-knowing, but this is an act they put on. They have their own doubts and insecurities that they must wear blinders for, so they don’t have to actually deal with their own emotions. The narcissist will do anything possible to not have to relinquish control to others, even if they are no longer in contact with someone. When in a dating relationship with the narcissist, you may find that the narcissist just disappears after blocking you or openly moving onto someone new. You wonder what went wrong and question the relationship, but no matter how much you want answers from the narcissist, they never give you answers. Closure is never provided by the narcissist. Today, I will discuss 3 reasons you’ll never get closure from a narcissist.
The relationship with a narcissist may end because you have chosen to go no-contact, they have blocked you and the ending is forced through no-contact from them, or the narcissist has a new supply they openly flaunt. No matter how the relationship has ended, one thing is constant and that is the narcissist’s undying commitment to ensure you don’t get closure. Why would a narcissist want to ensure there is no closure? Here are 3 of the most common reasons:
1. They want to leave the door open to you possibly returning in the future. The narcissist doesn’t like things to be final. Finality means something cannot be undone or changed. Finality, by definition, is permanent. The narcissist doesn’t like for things to be permanent because then they can’t exert their control and try to change a situation. The narcissist can’t take no and no one, and no thing, tells the narcissist when they can and can’t do something. While the narcissist may have left you, they want to leave the door open to you possibly returning in the future. The narcissist needs a constant choice of supply to choose from to protect against narcissistic injury. No matter what negative things the narcissist says to you, they don’t actually want you gone forever. You will always be seen as an object at the ready for their use and abuse. To provide closure, or finality, is a door shutting and the narcissist will never allow this door to shut. An open door is a door you can return back to the narcissist through.
2. The absence of closure is another punishment tactic the narcissist can use against you. The narcissist has a ready supply of punishment tactics to use when they feel they are losing control or at risk of being found out as someone other than who they pretend to be. The narcissist is manipulative and acts in a way to change the narrative in their favor. They know you want closure and that enough is a reason to not give it to you. By not giving you what you want, closure, the narcissist is manipulating you and the situation. They may leave you with hope that the closure will come in the future, or have you second guess your role in the relationship ending and how you could have been different for a different outcome. As long as the narcissist doesn’t provide closure, they know that you are more likely to place blame on yourself for the outcome and wonder what you could have done differently. The narcissist preys on your ability to empathize and uses this innate human quality to their advantage.
3. Lastly, narcissists only care about themselves. The narcissist doesn’t provide closure because it isn’t something they want or need. And in the world of the narcissist, everything happens in the context of what they want and need without concern for what others may want or need. The narcissist lacks empathy and can’t take the perspective of someone else. For this reason, they always look inward and act in a way to protect against narcissistic shame and narcissistic injury. The narcissist will provide closure if it benefits them in some way. Otherwise, closure is an elusive concept that no matter how much you want or need it, the narcissist will only do what they want.
Closure is another game of control for the narcissist. The narcissist used their controlling and manipulative ways throughout the relationship and just because the relationship has ended, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship has led to the narcissist changing. The narcissist didn’t leave a relationship with a belief that they should become a better person. They still look for control. No closure means they remain in control and is the parting message the narcissist wants to ensure you continue to focus on.