No matter where you look today, it seems everyone is talking about narcissists. The news, social media, and even your friends discuss how someone is a narcissist and the behaviors they are doing make them a narcissist. Why is everyone talking about narcissists now?
The diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) since 1980. This isn’t to say the disorder didn’t exist prior to 1980, but that is the first time it was considered a diagnosis that was placed in the DSM. Narcissistic personality traits include a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, and feelings of superiority. Many people have a little bit of these traits and they are present in various components of their life. These traits become an issue when the narcissistic traits impact someone’s functioning and relationships and the person meets criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is important to note that just because someone has narcissistic personality traits, it doesn’t mean that they have a personality disorder.
According to the DSM-5, the prevalence of NPD is around 1% in the general population. This is a very small number when you consider how often you hear the term “narcissism” or someone referred to as a “narcissist”. It is important to remember that not everyone who has narcissistic traits can be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is likely when someone calls another person a narcissist, they are loosely using the term and referring to the traits the person has and not a diagnosis.
Even if you consider just the traits of narcissism, it seems that there is still much talk about the condition and most everyone knows someone who has narcissism. Why does it seem the label narcissist is being thrown around so much lately? This is in large part due to recent public figures who demonstrate the traits of narcissism and the term being brought up more frequently in conversation.
There is no doubt many people have been labeled a “narcissist” because they engaged in a behavior that someone else didn’t like. Right or wrong, the label helps bring people together in shared experiences. Labels can be damaging but can also serve as a way to relate to someone else. However, when you mislabel someone as a narcissist, you are often overlooking the actual issue at hand and this can be dangerous, and even deadly, given the right circumstances.
Labeling someone as a narcissist can be used as a way to explain away a person’s behavior. Someone might have an abusive partner who they have labeled a narcissist and they try to focus on the narcissism as the problem when the actual issue is the abuse. The narcissistic traits become an excuse, allowing a person to continue to be mean and controlling. The actual abusive behavior is overlooked because the partner is focused on understanding why their partner is a narcissist, versus doing research on what abuse is and how to leave an abusive relationship.
The narcissist uses deflection in a relationship to keep the attention off of them and their actions, and this is also what the partner/parent/friend of a narcissist is doing to themselves when they focus on the “narcissist” and not the actual abuse. They are deflecting away from the abusive behavior and focused more on the person than their behaviors. When this happens, there is little value in identifying someone as a narcissist because it rarely leads to change for the better.
Maybe it is easier to label someone as a narcissist because it is an accepted term in society right now. To openly discuss that you are with an abusive partner continues to be hard for most people because there is still a stigma attached to being in abusive relationships. There is no doubt most people that are called narcissists, are not actual narcissists. If you, or someone else, is using that term, it is helpful to focus on the problem behaviors and move away from focus on the label. This will help you make changes in the relationship, including cutting ties with the person if needed.