We all like to envision a future that is exactly what we are looking for. This can include relationships, jobs, or vacations. Hope for what the future can hold helps us get through the day and provides something to look forward to. It is normal to want to focus on the future and what your life could look like. This is healthy when it involves things that can come true and with things you, and others, have the intention of following through on. However, when a vision of a future is presented to you as a way to manipulate, this is unhealthy and abusive because it involves deceit and misrepresentation. The narcissist is an expert at presenting a false future as a way to draw people into their manipulation and control. The narcissist will future fake to increase a trauma bond that makes it harder for you to leave the relationship.
I’ve said it again and again that narcissists operate from a place of control and manipulation. They must control the narrative in their life, and they do this by controlling everything around them. They present themselves in a way they think benefits them, they are friends with people who benefit them, and then gaslight to control how you perceive your own reality. The narcissist doesn’t want to leave anything up to chance because that makes them vulnerable, and the vulnerable narcissist is susceptible to shame which can trigger narcissistic injury.
The narcissist needs to keep you in their control and easily manipulated. The narcissist is acutely aware of your likes and dislikes and will collect this information to use when they need to. When their narcissist supply is running low, they will focus on your dislikes and point out your flaws so that they can feel better about themselves. If they think you are pulling away and they want to keep you close, they use love bombing by providing you with hope for your future. The narcissist will future fake to promise something in the future as a way to get what they want right now.
The only way the narcissist can effectively future fake is by closely watching you and knowing what you want. They may seem distant in the relationship but they know everything about you. You are their prey, and they need to be ready to attack at any moment.
While being promised something in the future that you like might sound like a good thing, with future faking the narcissist has no intention of ever following through with their promises. They aren’t agreeing to something to make you happy and fulfill your dreams; they promise things because that promise benefits them in the moment. They have no intention of following through, which means that they are manipulating and lying to you. If you bring up their absence of follow through, they will make up excuses as to why they haven’t done the promised task and continue to future fake.
The future faking is easy to believe because the narcissist promises things that are important to you. These are not only things you would enjoy, but you also feel like the narcissist has listened to you and understands your wants and desires. It helps you feel more connected to the narcissist and the narcissist knows this. Hope is powerful and keeps you focused on the future promised. You keep hoping for the promised thing but eventually start to realize it will likely never happen and this is disappointing.
You become stuck though because if you ask why the promised thing hasn’t happened, the narcissist will come up with more promises to keep you hopeful. However, they may also move into narcissistic rage and use their narcissistic punishment tactics to keep you from bringing up their failed promises. Either way you end up losing. The future faking is used to increase hope on your part and even when the promised items are not provided, you can’t bring it up because then you are faced with more empty promises or rage.
The narcissist is a master with their words, and they know exactly what to say to keep people in their control. They can be charming when they need to be, and this makes their future faking all the more believable. Future faking can be hard to catch because you are a hopeful person who develops connections with people as a way to get closer, but you can notice future faking if you step back and ask yourself if things are promised to you as a way to keep you compliant. If so, this would be future faking and the future faker is only focused on getting their needs met in the moment and not on improving the relationship.