The narcissist is cold and calculating. Even on their good days, you still feel uneasy around them. They don’t quite connect with people around them and can even make you feel uncomfortable in their presence. To make it more uncomfortable, the narcissist will often stare at you. Why do narcissists stare at people?
The narcissist stare is unnerving. You feel watched like prey and wonder what they are thinking. You ask why they are looking at you and they deny they are, or tell you that you are crazy and imagining things. Either way, the narcissist doesn’t acknowledge their behavior and to call them out is just an opportunity for them to deny and blame-shift. You must not only be victim to their stares, but also now be accused of being crazy. As usual, you can’t win with the narcissist.
When you have conversations with the narcissist, they appear to be one sided, as if the narcissist isn’t listening to you. They will say what they want and don’t acknowledge what you are saying. Then, in later interactions with the narcissist, they act like what you are saying is something new and again use this as an opportunity to blame shift and make you seem to be the problem.
It seems like the narcissist doesn’t pay attention to you at all! However, this is very much untrue and brings in the reason for the narcissist stare. The narcissist is always closely watching you. To them, you are their next prey and the person they will taunt and belittle for their own gain in their sick game of control and manipulation. The narcissist must watch your every move so they can plan their next move. The narcissist must know your weaknesses, as well as your strengths, so they can use them against you in the future. They know what makes you tick so that they can fully exploit you, to their advantage, when they are running low on narcissistic supply.
The narcissist initially stares at you so that they can see what you enjoy. They are very much in tune to you and your interests because they need this information to be effective in their love bombing. They stare at you to fully understand what makes you happy. They can then look like the perfect partner who seems to get you and understand you. They use the love bombing to pull you in.
Then, once they have succeeded in the love bombing, they can fall back into their preferred state of abusive behaviors that truly makes them a narcissist. So, they continue to stare at you to learn your weaknesses because they need this information to effectively gaslight and manipulate you. They watch your every move and know everything about you. When they pretend to be oblivious to your likes, interests, and past conversations, this is all part of their game. They can’t show their cards to their enemy, you, so they continuously blame shift and never really take responsibility. The more they stare, the more they learn about you, and the more uncomfortable you get being around them.
This brings us to the final reason I will discuss why the narcissist stares. The narcissist stares to gain dominance over you. The stare is meant to make you feel uncomfortable and make you feel as if you are in danger or doing something wrong. The narcissist never wants you to feel comfortable in your life because it will make you much harder to control and manipulate.
The narcissist is calculating. They plan every single move they make. When they seem like they aren’t listening, they are. They claim to be oblivious because that will somehow work in their favor for a particular situation. The narcissist stares at you to remain in control. You are their prey and they are waiting for the next moment to attack – either through love bombing or abusive behavior. The narcissist needs to know everything about you because that will benefit them in the end.