Narcissists are often self-centered and only focused on themselves. They lack empathy and cannot relate to others on an emotional level. However, narcissists often enter a marriage where the expectation is that people join through a bond to “to love and to cherish” and comfort their partner. If the narcissist lacks empathy and looks out for #1, which is themselves, why would they enter into a marriage in which the focus is on someone other than them and there is the expectation they work as a team? Today, I will discuss top reasons narcissists get married,
First, it is important to remember that narcissists are about perception management and deception. They have low self-esteem so they must continuously present an image of superiority and grandiosity to counter their feelings of low self-esteem. The narcissist must control all aspects of their life so that the outside world sees them as they want to be seen and to avoid feeling their deep-rooted shame. In many societies, there is still the expectation that relationships result in marriage and the narcissist wants to follow the pathway of societal norms as a means of perception management. Perception management can also be in what they post on social media and tell their friends about the marriage. Through their descriptions of their marriage, they can maintain the image of them being superior and free of issues.
Second, narcissists marry for constant supply from the spouse. The narcissist has low self-esteem and low self-worth. Despite the show they put on that they are confident and functioning well in society, they are actually insecure and must protect against feelings of shame and narcissistic injury. The narcissist cannot do this on their own and must use others to refill their narcissistic supply. Marriage provides security for the narcissist because there is a constant supply available.
Lastly, marriage makes it harder for the victim to leave. Because the narcissist needs others to refill their narcissist supply, they prefer someone who is always around to refill their supply as needed. The narcissist enters into the marriage for themselves and not the other person. This isn’t meant to suggest that the narcissist only uses their spouse as a supply. Extramarital affairs are common with narcissists because they need multiple sources to refill their ever-depleting supply. However, when the narcissist has a spouse, this is a constant source of supply when needed and saves them the effort of always needing to find someone new.
This is just a few of the top reasons narcissists get married. Regardless of the specific reason, all decisions made by a narcissist are based on what they think will benefit them most. They don’t marry because they care about the other person’s happiness. They lack empathy and can’t relate to how the other person might be feeling. The narcissist marries to maintain an image of themselves they want to present to the world and to have a constant source of supply. Special trips and gifts received in marriage are not to have their spouse feel better about themselves, but meant to maintain control over their spouse so that they are ready to be controlled and manipulated when it serves the narcissist the best. Remember, the narcissist thinks only of themselves and what benefits them.
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