Deciding to end any relationship, romantic or platonic, is difficult. People add value to our lives and connections have been formed. Even people who are in abusive relationships struggle with the decision to leave a relationship. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist the decision to leave can be complicated. There are moments of positive, mixed in with many negative. There is also a lot of control and manipulation that makes you unsure of your own thoughts and decisions. The longer you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the more you lose your own identity and start to question your own decisions.
As you think of no longer being in the relationship with a narcissist, you likely run through a variety of thoughts such as “what if they change”, “am I the narcissist?”, “Am I the reason things won’t get better?”. You experience regret, guilt, sadness, and anger. You feel like you are on a roller coaster of emotions, never knowing how you will feel today.
On one hand you know you should leave because this is a toxic relationship with emotional abuse. However, you also know the narcissist is manipulative and knows what to say to get you to stay or come back. This can range from love bombing and showering you with gifts and affection, or narcissistic rage where the narcissist is their most brutal and people stay because of fear.
When you finally get up the courage to start thinking of leaving the narcissist, the narcissist knows exactly what to say to confuse you and make you question what is right or wrong. They need you for narcissistic supply, and unless they have another supply readily available, they will do all they can to keep you in the relationship. For you to leave the relationship would mean the narcissist has to turn inwards on their own insecurities and this is not something they are able to do.
While the decision to leave the relationship with the narcissist will always be your decision, the narcissist doesn’t make it easy and turns it into being all about them. So how do you really know it is time to leave the narcissist? You want to make the decision that is right for you, and not the one the narcissist thinks is best for them.
When you make the decision to leave the narcissist, you run through a range of emotions that you experienced in the relationship, to include guilt and regret. These are the very emotions that keep you in the relationship and they are also the hardest to overcome when you decide to leave the relationship.
When you question whether you should leave the narcissist, you have to make the decision that is best for you and not what everyone else thinks is best for you. This change must be for you, when you are ready, or else you will quickly find yourself back in the toxic relationship. The decision to leave is yours and yours alone.
As you are readying yourself to leave the narcissist, you need to be sure of yourself and your decision. The narcissist has watched you throughout the relationship and knows where your weaknesses lie. They can sense uncertainty in you and will use this to their advantage while making you question yourself. Leaving the narcissist will not be easy, but if you don’t believe in yourself, the manipulation tactics and gaslighting used by the narcissist will be powerful and lead to you questioning yourself even on the way out.
As you think of whether you should leave your narcissist, it is easy to focus on the positives in the relationship, and the times in which the narcissist did change. Don’t lie to yourself in the same way the narcissist has lied to you. While there were times the narcissist did change for the positive, there were many more times in which that positive change was short-lived, and they slipped back into who they really are. If you are asking yourself whether you should leave your narcissistic partner, the answer is probably yes. People in healthy relationships don’t usually ask if they should be with someone who makes them happier or treats them better. Once you can confidently say this person is not right for you and you deserve better, then you can start making steps to actually leave the relationship, which will be difficult and sometimes lonely feeling but I believe in you.