Here you are again at the receiving end of the narcissist’s anger and abuse because things didn’t go as they wanted them to. The narcissist is self-centered and thinks only of themselves, which means the world must revolve around them. They don’t consider the needs and wants of others and react when things don’t go as they planned. The narcissist will behave in a way which gets them what they want, and if that doesn’t work, they will become louder and more brutal to ensure their needs are met above everyone else’s. The narcissist has many punishment techniques they use in their game of control and manipulation. What are some of the most common ones used by the narcissist?
The punishment technique chosen by the narcissist depends on various factors and there is no one technique that is used by all narcissists. The narcissist is manipulative and conniving, always watching their prey to be ready to use the punishment they think will be the most effective. Also, the technique chosen by the narcissist will depend on the narcissist themselves and their personality style. As I go over some of the common techniques, keep in mind that no one knows which punishment tactic the narcissist will choose other than the narcissist.
For the narcissist that wants to bring others into their game of control and manipulation, they will recruit others to do the dirty work for them. This is when the narcissist will bring on flying monkeys. The narcissist needs to be the center of attention and feel they are superior to others and there is no better way to do this than recruit others to do their dirty work for them. The flying monkey can be a friend, stranger, co-worker, or anyone else in the narcissist’s life. The flying monkey doesn’t even need to know their role in the narcissist’s goal of punishment. The purpose of the flying monkey is to spread the gossip and negative information about you that the narcissist has provided them. If the narcissist can have multiple people spreading the negative information about you, it is more likely they will be believed.
As the flying monkeys are recruited and released into the world to spread the false information given to them by the narcissist, the easier the narcissist can implement their smear campaign, which is a common punishment technique. With the smear campaign, the narcissist can paint an effective picture of how you are the problem, and they are the innocent victim. If the narcissist feels as if they are losing control of you and need assistance in getting you under their control again, they will use the smear campaign. There is nothing more defeating than learning there is a false narrative being spread about you and people are out to get you based on the lies the narcissist is telling. As the smear campaign progresses, you find that your friends and family are turning against you. The narcissist hopes to beat you down so you give up on pushing back on any boundaries you have set with them.
The smear campaign is very public and often involves more than one person. However, the narcissist is very effective in punishing on their own. Two common punishment tactics the narcissist uses on their own are the silent treatment and rage. While they look very different in their implementation, the goal is the same – to beat you down so you submit to their demands and take responsibility for the action they are unable or incapable of taking responsibility for.
I have explained the silent treatment and rage in more detail before, so I will just touch on them briefly today. With the silent treatment, the narcissist will cut off all communication with you. This removes the opportunity to address the issue at hand, or to even feel heard. The narcissist will continue the silent treatment as long as they see fit, and this could be years or even decades. The only goal of the narcissist for the silent treatment is to not have to take responsibility for their own behaviors. Once they think you will no longer bring up the concern, or hold them accountable, they will end the silent treatment.
The other form of punishment tactic is the narcissistic rage. The goal for the narcissist is the same, to take the focus off them and put it on someone else. The narcissist will enact their rage when they don’t want to take responsibility, feel targeted, or are at risk for narcissistic injury such as feelings of shame. When the narcissist rages, they get louder and are brutal with their words. The goal is to push you away, so they don’t have to address the issue at hand.
The goal of all the punishment tactics is for the narcissist to push people away so they can regain control of a situation in which they are losing control. During the narcissist punishment tactics, there is no interest or desire for the narcissist to resolve a situation. They aren’t interested in what you think or feel, and the focus is 100% on them. When the narcissist is punishing you, it is easy to feel like you must defend and explain yourself. Try to resist this urge because the narcissist isn’t looking to consider what you have to say. The punishment is about them and protecting themselves and rarely about anything you have done. Your best course of action is to step back and wait until the narcissist has sufficiently refilled their narcissistic supply so they can stop punishing those around them.
